Weigh and Measure Day February

Last weigh in was January 31st, and I have been loving this once a month weigh in because it so much less stressful on me day to day and week to week, but it always catches up to me, and so even though it does not seem like a month has passed...it has and I had to weigh and measure. I was already a little anxious because February has not been my best month. I took more days off than I should, and that is when the numbers tell on you. I decided to go into it with a positive attitude anyways, and I am telling myself just as all of you who are trying to lose weight should be telling yourselves...a loss is good, any loss is good, any loss is less than you were the last time, be proud and let's appreciate ourselves! So anyways here it is...



224.3!!!!!!!!!!!

It's definitely not the 24 pound loss of last month but it's a 10.1 pound loss this month. 10 pounds less than I was, 34 pounds less than I was January 31st, and darn near 80 pounds less than I was 3 years ago...and here is the REALLY exciting thing about it....This is the lowest weight I have been at since I had my daughter Hailee almost 8 years ago!!! My lowest weight in 8 years!!!!!!!!!! Now THAT IS A BIG DEAL!!!! So rather than being discouraged I am looking in the positive light, I am still steadily losing, still going down, still getting smaller, every month can't be a record breaker. Besides I am only 24.3 pounds away from 200, and when I hit 199 I am literally throwing a party (and I mean that quite literally). Every pound and inch deserves a pat on the back because this is hard. It's one of the hardest things I have ever done and I triumph every day when I keep going, keep moving forward, keep reaching for my goals....it's that determination that will ensure that I get where I wanna be going. It was pretty awesome anyways because I felt  more determined than ever, I jogged 6 miles today and I am getting ready to try our new Zumba, but before that I wanna give you all my measurements as well.

Waist-41 1/2 inches
Hips- 41.5 inches
Right thigh- 25 1/2 inches
Left thigh- 24 1/2 inches
Right calf- 16 inches
Left calf- 16.5 inches
Right Arm-14 inches
Left Arm- 13.5 inches
Bust- 42.5 inches

Soooooooooooooooooooo....since January 1st

I have lost...
6.5 inches off my waist!
11 inches off my hips!
2.5 inches off my right thigh!
3.5 inches off my left thigh!
1 inch off my right calf!
.5 inch off my left calf!
.5 inch off my right arm!
.5 inch off my left arm!
4.5 inches off my bust!

That is 30 1/2 inches off of my body! That's more than 2 feet!

So wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo freaking hoooooooooooooooooooooooo to me!!! I'm doing a pretty awesome job...and here is to another month of losing! :)

Outside Influence

Today started out as an amazing day, I did a 25 minute jog on my treadmill and I felt so amazing, the sun was shining and it was so bright and beautiful outside. Then some stuff got stirred up in my personal life that I was not happy about. I have really done a great job staying clear of negative energy, but every now an again stuff pops up that squashes that...if you let it!

When I set out on my afternoon outdoor jog with my hubby I was feeling pretty rattled by the whole thing, of course trying to figure out how it happened, how to fix it, how to just make it stop. I was sure that I either wasn't going to be able to complete my jog, or that I wasn't going to do to hot at it. I had already decided that I was going to focus my blog on that, how negativity affects us physically and mentally.

When I finished the jog, I had done just fine, normal time and everything and I realized that I am not that person anymore! I did what I needed to do just the same. There was a time that I would have used it as an excuse not to do the things I needed to, or as an excuse to be depressed and eat what I shouldn't, or as an excuse to do something with much less enthusiasm than I should be, but not today! I have changed in so many ways, and as I have said before with my stronger body comes a stronger mind...I am living proof of that.

I don't want to spend my life hung up on negativity, worrying about what people are thinking of me, or saying about me. Spending my time thinking or worrying about those things is a catastrophic waste of time that I could be using to the million things I do every day. I am proud, I am proud because I didn't let outside stuff interfere with my goals. I didn't let that get in my way, I didn't let it bring me down, I didn't let it stop me from moving forward, and most importantly I didn't let it affect who I am, and what I stand for. I have been learning that when you have mental and emotional weight on your shoulders...it's bad news if your trying to take pounds off your body. Carrying things like anger, and hate, and grudges. Worrying about pleasing everyone you know, worried about who is mad at you and why, worried about what people are thinking and saying about you, worried about trying not to get in trouble with people in your life, how to fix things whether they are your fault or not, wondering and wishing for more honesty and accountability out of others...all these things are heavy weights to carry around, and that kind of stuff can pack the pounds on very quickly, it's hard to be healthy and happy and strong on the outside when on the inside your mad or sad and angry and weak. We all carry something around that we don't want to at one time or another, learning to deal with it and let go is the challenge. As long as you take those things, deal with them the best you can...and then let them go, you can keep your mind and your conscience nice and clear.

I don't care if it makes me weird, I would rather be alone than be around those who feed off of negativity and get pleasure out of causing hurt, bringing other people down, It's not something I want to be a part of, because losing weight is more than diet and exercise, scales and counting calories...it's a mental battle too. It's a mental battle more than a physical one in my opinion and in order to win that battle you have to have a healthy mind. I'm in no way a perfect example of any of this stuff, but I do try really hard, looking back on just the last 2 months I have made some pretty big strides. I'm a work in progress, constantly changing, changing for the better in every sense of the word, and I am not just a little proud of that....I'm VERY proud of that!!!!!!

Trying Something new

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

This can be applied to so many different aspects of weight loss. Different diets that don't work, that we keep going back to anyways. Different workouts, different books, starting and stopping, loving and hating...I just want to focus on one thing tonight though and that's the way I treat myself.

I have tried a lot of different things, but I have a hard time being nice to myself. Maybe that's why it has been such a struggle because in my past I am constantly telling myself that I can't do it...so then I give up. I don't know why we feel the need to be so hurtful and mean to ourselves, we know it's wrong to treat other people badly and I really try not to, but I take no issue with being downright awful to myself.

My diet and exercise and weight are constantly running through my head, and I am so mean to myself. So what I want to try and work on is just loving me a little more, being kinder to myself, don't say things to myself that I wouldn't say to someone else. If you tell yourself something enough times, you could start to believe it, and failure is just not an option for me at this point.

I am striving to be a healthier, stronger, better person...physically and mentally and I do not intend on letting anything or anyone get in my way, and that includes myself. Sometimes we have to give credit when it's due, and I know that giving credit to ourselves might seem self-centered or silly, but it's important for us to be aware of our worth. On top of that there are enough outside influences who are more than willing and ready to take you down and be cruel, trying to make you give up on yourself and your goals. 

You can't keep yourself safe from people with hateful intentions when you don't treat yourself any better. You have to be on your own side because sometimes, there are things that only we can do for ourselves.

Me with my little blogging partner!

2 Years and counting!

Our baby is 2 years old now. It's a big occasion, not just for the obvious reasons that our babies getting older is a big deal. It's a big occasion because I had my tubes tied after I had Hunter, so this makes 2 years and counting that my body has been my own, without housing any human beings. I had 4 kids in 6 years, so I had become pretty accustomed to sharing my body. 2 years now without any excuses for being overweight. I have known always that I could not blame my weight on my pregnancies, it was my own behavior during pregnancies...and in between that caused my weight to spiral out of control, but whatever way you look at it pregnancy is tough on the body, and it changes a woman's body permanently in some ways.

It was 2 years ago when I had my final post-pregnancy check up. My doctor asked me what I was going to do now (since I had spent the last 6 years basically as a baby factory) :) I told my doctor then that I wanted to lose weight...that was my next big project, and it has been quite a work in progress ever since that day! Of course if I had been working as hard as I am now the entire time I would most likely be at my goal weight, but I haven't. It's been off and on, still I am significantly lighter now than I was then, so my efforts .weren't all destroyed. Willpower and motivation long term can be a real issue for me. Because of my own struggles I really learned what it means to make a lifestyle change. Diet and exercise will make you lose weight....maintaining weight loss long term requires those healthy habits to become the norm for you. I'm still working on that now because it's so easy to slip into old habits.

All I want to do this time is to just really do it! Keep doing it! Years of losing and gaining 20-50 pounds and gaining it back has been the story of my adult life, I want out of that cycle, I want to really truly take it all the way...and then stay there!

The jogging has been pretty tough on me, and today has not been any different, and I know without a doubt that skipping 3 days over the long weekend did not help, even though I followed my diet really well not getting that exercise in made starting again today rough to say the least, but I did it. In the past when it was that hard, I would just give up...gain it all back, and then get upset about it, upset and angry at myself for not caring enough about me to keep it up. I have no idea what has changed inside my body and mind but for some reason even when I don't want to...I do it. I am certainly not complaining because that's what I have needed all along, I can't go back to giving up on myself when the journey is tough. If it was easy then everyone would be thin, if it doesn't hurt then it probably isn't working. Pushing through the pain is where the test is at. I am my own worst critic and sometimes I just wanna smack myself for taking 25 minutes to to jog just over 2 miles, but even at my lowest even when I'm not proud, even when I am being hardest on myself, and I feel like I'm dying after my jog...I keep going, I keep doing it, that is what is going to get me my long term results, that is what is going to make the difference in success rather than failure.

I am refusing to give up on myself, and that has to count for something.

Tummy Tuck!?

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I was brave enough to do it I would post pictures of my tummy on here....but I'm not so you are just going to have to trust me that it's pretty bad :( Definitely not attractive to look at, and getting harder and harder to hide because the more weight I lose...the further down it hangs..I apologize for saying that because I know it's disgusting, trust me, but I said I was going to do an honest blog and that's what I plan on doing.

I have really known since I had my last baby that I was probably going to eventually need a tummy tuck if I ever lost the weight I wanted to...back then over 2 years ago, it was an IF, now it's just when I lose the weight because I know I am going to do it. My doc told me that because I am young, there was a small chance that my skin could tighten back up. However, because I had 4 pregnancies in 6 years...it was highly unlikely. Mind you, I do more than just cardio, I do exercises designed to build muscles and tighten tummies, and I know for sure now that I am going to need a tummy tuck because it's just not tightening up for me, I wish it was, but it's not.

So I have looked into it myself, and I have a few friends who also have and I think it's going to be a good option for me a little later down the road. It's not cheap....in fact it's spendy and I am not the type that has money like that. I can afford to do it one time and one time only and that is tax time, and that is what is slated for February 2013. I'm definitely scared about it, the only surgeries I have ever had are the 2 C-Sections that I had no choice on. I don't see the doctor much and I'm not one for hospitals, but this is something I really want to do, because unless I do that I will never look at myself in the mirror..naked, and like what I see. So on the other hand I am pretty darn excited.

In some of my reading last night I learned how I need to prepare for this. I need to be within 20 pounds of my ideal weight before I can have the operation. My goal weight is 140. On the BMI chart my ideal weight is between around 125-150 or something like that. Anyways I need to be about 160 to have the surgery. On January 31st I was at 234 so I am about 70 pounds give or take a few away. I have a year because I want that tummy tuck next year at tax time! 70 pounds is a really daunting number...that's a whole lot of weight, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.

As a result of my research last night I have decided to change my workouts up for the rest of February and see if I get better results. I'm not doing a ton of walking anymore..I'm jogging at shorter intervals of time a few times throughout the day, but on the current route I'm doing today, and what I'm doing on the treadmill in the mornings it will actually equal out to around 7 miles a day.

Today was a rough start for sure. I started out with a 15 minute jog on the treadmill this morning but the speed was up much higher than normal and it was a good workout. For my second jog of the day my hubby and I will be going on his lunch break together. Today is the first day of this...we started out, he told me to set the pace, and I apparently was thinking I was way more awesome than I am because I started out pretty quick, in fact we finished the first mile in about 10 minutes, but then I started dying! :-/ Had to stop and walk, then jog again. When my hubby set the pace it was much more tolerable...I still felt like I was dying but it felt like I might die in an hour rather than right at that moment. The short of it is that I did finish, we actually finished off really strong and ran the very end. The whole thing was 2.16 miles, in the end it took 27 minutes with an average pace of 4.74 miles per hour. Not the best but it's my first day.

At first I was discouraged, I truthfully expected a little more from myself, but I really am trying and if you could have seen me out there (which I apologize to anyone who drove by and was unfortunate enough to see the mess unfolding) but if you could have seen me and heard me you would know without a doubt that I truly was pushing myself really hard. You know what? I did a pretty good job!

When my husband gets home we will be setting out for the final jog of the day, same route. Maybe I'll hold a good pace better, but who knows...either way I'll keep trying. 3 jogs a day for 2 weeks and we will see if it does my weight loss any favors!

70 pounds in one year is a lot of weight..but I'm thinking that I can do it :)

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” ~Michael Jordan

Me and my new jogging partner <3

Today..I'm better!!!

Rather than aiming for being perfect, just aim to be little bit better today than you were yesterday.........




I know I have said it a million times before but when losing weight the things we have to focus on the most is of course, our goal, and more importantly it's the little victories in between! 

I don't get to weigh for 14 more days so I have no idea where I am at with my weight loss, and this month I certainly have not done an absolutely perfect job. I'm at that itching point...itching to get on the scale. It's a disgusting addiction that scale, sure to bring on an overflow of emotions of one kind or another. I knew even last night that I was going to get on it this morning and I argued with myself over it. I decided to sleep on it and see if I was going to make the right choice and when I woke up I still wanted to head to the bathroom and step on it. Luckily I knew what I had to do....I went to my husband and asked him to save me from myself! So he hid the scale for me, somewhere that I won't be able to find it so that it can gather dust and be free of me stepping on it until February 29th!


So I had no scale and I knew that was for the best but I still wanted some sort of proof that my work is paying off. Then a couple of things happened today that I wasn't expecting, 4 little things that really made my day, and more importantly gave me more determination to keep going strong.


1. I got on the treadmill this morning to do my jog. I pumped the speed up one little extra point, and got moving and 30 minutes later I really felt like I could keep going, and so I did. 35 minutes of jogging! And honestly if I didn't have to shower and get 3 more kids off to school I probably could have kept going because even though I was out of breath and dripping with sweat, and turning red...I didn't feel terrible! It felt SO SO SO good just to really feel like my body is getting so much stronger and building endurance that I never dreamed I would have again.


2. I did my shower and when I was picking clothes I decided to wear the new jeans I got 2 weekends ago. I tried them on when I got them and they fit..nice and snug, but they fit. Today I put them on and they are comfortable, almost a little baggy, I have space in them, they are big! REALLY big deal to me because not only that but they look pretty darn good on me too :)







3. When I dropped my daughter off at school I got a really nice compliment from her teacher, people don't realize how important that kind of thing is. It's nice to hear it, and it's good to know when you have done enough that people notice. It definitely made a good day better!


4. Last but certainly not least....I decided to check my BMI. Now my BMI when I started was at 41.6. Bad, bad, bad. Remember that a healthy BMI is somewhere between 18 and 25 so 41.6 is way over. Today my BMI (according to my last weight from January 31st) is 37.4!! Obviously that is still a ways from being in the healthy weight range, I know I have a long way to go before I'm at a healthy weight BUT let's face it....that's a pretty awesome improvement. Which doesn't only tell me that I have lost weight...but that I am getting healthier while I'm at it.




Pretty awesome stuff to think about because I really am working hard at this, pushing through days that I'm in pain, or tired, or strapped for time, or just lacking motivation. I'm giving up some of the foods that I love, I'm learning who is on my side and which people are positive influences in my journey. I'm making my health a bigger priority in my life than it ever has been. Even though it is such a road of emotions and hardships and celebrations and exhaustion...I'm a happier person, my mood is better, I'm much less cranky, and my positive outlook on myself has improved 110% 


I already like myself more and not just because I have lost weight but also because I like where my weight loss journey is taking me..inside and out!

2/15/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon peach greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

1 pre-packaged smokehouse bbq salad-260 calories

Lunch Total-260 calories

Dinner:

4 oz boneless skinless chicken breast-130 calories

1/2 cup cream of chicken soup-120 calories

1/2 cup frozen broccoli-15 calories

1/2 cup Rice a Roni Broccoli Augraten rice-175 calories

1/4 cup broccoli cheese soup-100 calories

Dinner Total-540 calories

Today's Total-930 calories

Ok so I am sad to say that today I did not get much exercise done today. I put it off because I really needed my foot fixed up because of the raging blister I have on it...so I saved exercise for this afternoon. I forgot that both my girls had dance today, and I had to take Valentine's out to my grandma's plus make dinner...and it was bath night :( Bad bad excuses I know but that is all I can say. I am punishing myself by not having any yummy skinny cow sweet treats. I definitely haven't earned any!