"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."-St. Francis de Sales
I know that for me it is really hard to just be mellow and laid back and that's why I want to blog about this today. I am one of those types that can get panicked when things start to get out of control, or what feels like out of control to me. I like having things under control, and in order and part of that is just being obsessive compulsive which I have dealt with my entire life, but part of that is because my life can get so overloaded sometimes, that having that control is the only way I am able to keep things running smoothly. So even though my life is very busy, it's normally a smooth sailing busy, it's a well oiled machine, and for the most part that's how it stays and that is what I can handle.
Then there are those times when something happens, or someone happens, or something doesn't happen that should have...it's a recipe for a stressful day. On most days when something comes up, it's an easy fix or it's easy to work around, or to work through. So I wondered why is it that sometimes an upset in a day can throw everything into a downward spiral and I think that it is when we start to lose touch with our inner peace that things don't remain peaceful in our outside world.
Learning about emotions, and feelings, battles within ourselves, who we are, who we want to be, how we want to treat other people, the type of impact we want to have in other peoples lives....these are the things that we don't learn in school. Some of these things can't be taught by anyone, you have to learn it and figure it out yourself. I feel no shame when I say that I am still learning, and in fact until a couple years ago, I wasn't concerned with learning about this kind of stuff. Too young, not thinking about what I wanted my impact to be. I'm not saying that I wanted to be mean or unkind or that I didn't want to know who I was, I just didn't put much thought into figuring it out. We learn about ourselves throughout our whole lives, your never too old or too young...but we only learn it if we want to and choose to. It might not always be positive because none of us are perfect, I know that everyone has something to learn about themselves that isn't flattering but that's ok. It's ok because you aren't the only one, but more than that you can't love yourself in the way you should without accepting even the things you aren't proud of, and you can't change those things if you don't first recognize them.
So the more I delve into myself, the more I learn, I find things both that I love and that I really do not like. Everything that we are is placed there at one time or another in one way or another and we are the only ones that can feed the positive things, and work out the negative things. And even though we will never be perfect people, we will be improving all the time. That's the best that anyone can do.
So today I'm working on keeping my inner peace intact because the more I learn I am realizing that all of this other stuff in life, in love, in friendship, in ourselves, in our outside world..all of this stuff is much more manageable, and understandable if you hold on to your inner peace. It's something I want to learn to hang on to even when things are really, really tough...especially when things are really, really tough because that's when we need it the most. I need to be at peace within myself, I need to be at peace with who I am...in every way. I need to let go of those things that threaten to take that away from me, and I need to learn to accept and love those things that I can't let go of.
I know without a doubt that for the rest of my life I am going to be imperfect, I'm the type of person who can sometimes get flustered when I feel like I'm losing control, I'm going to work on that but it will always be a part of me. I just know as long as I am making a conscious effort, it can only get better from here!
