Weigh and Measure Day February

Last weigh in was January 31st, and I have been loving this once a month weigh in because it so much less stressful on me day to day and week to week, but it always catches up to me, and so even though it does not seem like a month has passed...it has and I had to weigh and measure. I was already a little anxious because February has not been my best month. I took more days off than I should, and that is when the numbers tell on you. I decided to go into it with a positive attitude anyways, and I am telling myself just as all of you who are trying to lose weight should be telling yourselves...a loss is good, any loss is good, any loss is less than you were the last time, be proud and let's appreciate ourselves! So anyways here it is...



224.3!!!!!!!!!!!

It's definitely not the 24 pound loss of last month but it's a 10.1 pound loss this month. 10 pounds less than I was, 34 pounds less than I was January 31st, and darn near 80 pounds less than I was 3 years ago...and here is the REALLY exciting thing about it....This is the lowest weight I have been at since I had my daughter Hailee almost 8 years ago!!! My lowest weight in 8 years!!!!!!!!!! Now THAT IS A BIG DEAL!!!! So rather than being discouraged I am looking in the positive light, I am still steadily losing, still going down, still getting smaller, every month can't be a record breaker. Besides I am only 24.3 pounds away from 200, and when I hit 199 I am literally throwing a party (and I mean that quite literally). Every pound and inch deserves a pat on the back because this is hard. It's one of the hardest things I have ever done and I triumph every day when I keep going, keep moving forward, keep reaching for my goals....it's that determination that will ensure that I get where I wanna be going. It was pretty awesome anyways because I felt  more determined than ever, I jogged 6 miles today and I am getting ready to try our new Zumba, but before that I wanna give you all my measurements as well.

Waist-41 1/2 inches
Hips- 41.5 inches
Right thigh- 25 1/2 inches
Left thigh- 24 1/2 inches
Right calf- 16 inches
Left calf- 16.5 inches
Right Arm-14 inches
Left Arm- 13.5 inches
Bust- 42.5 inches

Soooooooooooooooooooo....since January 1st

I have lost...
6.5 inches off my waist!
11 inches off my hips!
2.5 inches off my right thigh!
3.5 inches off my left thigh!
1 inch off my right calf!
.5 inch off my left calf!
.5 inch off my right arm!
.5 inch off my left arm!
4.5 inches off my bust!

That is 30 1/2 inches off of my body! That's more than 2 feet!

So wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo freaking hoooooooooooooooooooooooo to me!!! I'm doing a pretty awesome job...and here is to another month of losing! :)

Outside Influence

Today started out as an amazing day, I did a 25 minute jog on my treadmill and I felt so amazing, the sun was shining and it was so bright and beautiful outside. Then some stuff got stirred up in my personal life that I was not happy about. I have really done a great job staying clear of negative energy, but every now an again stuff pops up that squashes that...if you let it!

When I set out on my afternoon outdoor jog with my hubby I was feeling pretty rattled by the whole thing, of course trying to figure out how it happened, how to fix it, how to just make it stop. I was sure that I either wasn't going to be able to complete my jog, or that I wasn't going to do to hot at it. I had already decided that I was going to focus my blog on that, how negativity affects us physically and mentally.

When I finished the jog, I had done just fine, normal time and everything and I realized that I am not that person anymore! I did what I needed to do just the same. There was a time that I would have used it as an excuse not to do the things I needed to, or as an excuse to be depressed and eat what I shouldn't, or as an excuse to do something with much less enthusiasm than I should be, but not today! I have changed in so many ways, and as I have said before with my stronger body comes a stronger mind...I am living proof of that.

I don't want to spend my life hung up on negativity, worrying about what people are thinking of me, or saying about me. Spending my time thinking or worrying about those things is a catastrophic waste of time that I could be using to the million things I do every day. I am proud, I am proud because I didn't let outside stuff interfere with my goals. I didn't let that get in my way, I didn't let it bring me down, I didn't let it stop me from moving forward, and most importantly I didn't let it affect who I am, and what I stand for. I have been learning that when you have mental and emotional weight on your shoulders...it's bad news if your trying to take pounds off your body. Carrying things like anger, and hate, and grudges. Worrying about pleasing everyone you know, worried about who is mad at you and why, worried about what people are thinking and saying about you, worried about trying not to get in trouble with people in your life, how to fix things whether they are your fault or not, wondering and wishing for more honesty and accountability out of others...all these things are heavy weights to carry around, and that kind of stuff can pack the pounds on very quickly, it's hard to be healthy and happy and strong on the outside when on the inside your mad or sad and angry and weak. We all carry something around that we don't want to at one time or another, learning to deal with it and let go is the challenge. As long as you take those things, deal with them the best you can...and then let them go, you can keep your mind and your conscience nice and clear.

I don't care if it makes me weird, I would rather be alone than be around those who feed off of negativity and get pleasure out of causing hurt, bringing other people down, It's not something I want to be a part of, because losing weight is more than diet and exercise, scales and counting calories...it's a mental battle too. It's a mental battle more than a physical one in my opinion and in order to win that battle you have to have a healthy mind. I'm in no way a perfect example of any of this stuff, but I do try really hard, looking back on just the last 2 months I have made some pretty big strides. I'm a work in progress, constantly changing, changing for the better in every sense of the word, and I am not just a little proud of that....I'm VERY proud of that!!!!!!

Trying Something new

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

This can be applied to so many different aspects of weight loss. Different diets that don't work, that we keep going back to anyways. Different workouts, different books, starting and stopping, loving and hating...I just want to focus on one thing tonight though and that's the way I treat myself.

I have tried a lot of different things, but I have a hard time being nice to myself. Maybe that's why it has been such a struggle because in my past I am constantly telling myself that I can't do it...so then I give up. I don't know why we feel the need to be so hurtful and mean to ourselves, we know it's wrong to treat other people badly and I really try not to, but I take no issue with being downright awful to myself.

My diet and exercise and weight are constantly running through my head, and I am so mean to myself. So what I want to try and work on is just loving me a little more, being kinder to myself, don't say things to myself that I wouldn't say to someone else. If you tell yourself something enough times, you could start to believe it, and failure is just not an option for me at this point.

I am striving to be a healthier, stronger, better person...physically and mentally and I do not intend on letting anything or anyone get in my way, and that includes myself. Sometimes we have to give credit when it's due, and I know that giving credit to ourselves might seem self-centered or silly, but it's important for us to be aware of our worth. On top of that there are enough outside influences who are more than willing and ready to take you down and be cruel, trying to make you give up on yourself and your goals. 

You can't keep yourself safe from people with hateful intentions when you don't treat yourself any better. You have to be on your own side because sometimes, there are things that only we can do for ourselves.

Me with my little blogging partner!

2 Years and counting!

Our baby is 2 years old now. It's a big occasion, not just for the obvious reasons that our babies getting older is a big deal. It's a big occasion because I had my tubes tied after I had Hunter, so this makes 2 years and counting that my body has been my own, without housing any human beings. I had 4 kids in 6 years, so I had become pretty accustomed to sharing my body. 2 years now without any excuses for being overweight. I have known always that I could not blame my weight on my pregnancies, it was my own behavior during pregnancies...and in between that caused my weight to spiral out of control, but whatever way you look at it pregnancy is tough on the body, and it changes a woman's body permanently in some ways.

It was 2 years ago when I had my final post-pregnancy check up. My doctor asked me what I was going to do now (since I had spent the last 6 years basically as a baby factory) :) I told my doctor then that I wanted to lose weight...that was my next big project, and it has been quite a work in progress ever since that day! Of course if I had been working as hard as I am now the entire time I would most likely be at my goal weight, but I haven't. It's been off and on, still I am significantly lighter now than I was then, so my efforts .weren't all destroyed. Willpower and motivation long term can be a real issue for me. Because of my own struggles I really learned what it means to make a lifestyle change. Diet and exercise will make you lose weight....maintaining weight loss long term requires those healthy habits to become the norm for you. I'm still working on that now because it's so easy to slip into old habits.

All I want to do this time is to just really do it! Keep doing it! Years of losing and gaining 20-50 pounds and gaining it back has been the story of my adult life, I want out of that cycle, I want to really truly take it all the way...and then stay there!

The jogging has been pretty tough on me, and today has not been any different, and I know without a doubt that skipping 3 days over the long weekend did not help, even though I followed my diet really well not getting that exercise in made starting again today rough to say the least, but I did it. In the past when it was that hard, I would just give up...gain it all back, and then get upset about it, upset and angry at myself for not caring enough about me to keep it up. I have no idea what has changed inside my body and mind but for some reason even when I don't want to...I do it. I am certainly not complaining because that's what I have needed all along, I can't go back to giving up on myself when the journey is tough. If it was easy then everyone would be thin, if it doesn't hurt then it probably isn't working. Pushing through the pain is where the test is at. I am my own worst critic and sometimes I just wanna smack myself for taking 25 minutes to to jog just over 2 miles, but even at my lowest even when I'm not proud, even when I am being hardest on myself, and I feel like I'm dying after my jog...I keep going, I keep doing it, that is what is going to get me my long term results, that is what is going to make the difference in success rather than failure.

I am refusing to give up on myself, and that has to count for something.

Tummy Tuck!?

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I was brave enough to do it I would post pictures of my tummy on here....but I'm not so you are just going to have to trust me that it's pretty bad :( Definitely not attractive to look at, and getting harder and harder to hide because the more weight I lose...the further down it hangs..I apologize for saying that because I know it's disgusting, trust me, but I said I was going to do an honest blog and that's what I plan on doing.

I have really known since I had my last baby that I was probably going to eventually need a tummy tuck if I ever lost the weight I wanted to...back then over 2 years ago, it was an IF, now it's just when I lose the weight because I know I am going to do it. My doc told me that because I am young, there was a small chance that my skin could tighten back up. However, because I had 4 pregnancies in 6 years...it was highly unlikely. Mind you, I do more than just cardio, I do exercises designed to build muscles and tighten tummies, and I know for sure now that I am going to need a tummy tuck because it's just not tightening up for me, I wish it was, but it's not.

So I have looked into it myself, and I have a few friends who also have and I think it's going to be a good option for me a little later down the road. It's not cheap....in fact it's spendy and I am not the type that has money like that. I can afford to do it one time and one time only and that is tax time, and that is what is slated for February 2013. I'm definitely scared about it, the only surgeries I have ever had are the 2 C-Sections that I had no choice on. I don't see the doctor much and I'm not one for hospitals, but this is something I really want to do, because unless I do that I will never look at myself in the mirror..naked, and like what I see. So on the other hand I am pretty darn excited.

In some of my reading last night I learned how I need to prepare for this. I need to be within 20 pounds of my ideal weight before I can have the operation. My goal weight is 140. On the BMI chart my ideal weight is between around 125-150 or something like that. Anyways I need to be about 160 to have the surgery. On January 31st I was at 234 so I am about 70 pounds give or take a few away. I have a year because I want that tummy tuck next year at tax time! 70 pounds is a really daunting number...that's a whole lot of weight, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.

As a result of my research last night I have decided to change my workouts up for the rest of February and see if I get better results. I'm not doing a ton of walking anymore..I'm jogging at shorter intervals of time a few times throughout the day, but on the current route I'm doing today, and what I'm doing on the treadmill in the mornings it will actually equal out to around 7 miles a day.

Today was a rough start for sure. I started out with a 15 minute jog on the treadmill this morning but the speed was up much higher than normal and it was a good workout. For my second jog of the day my hubby and I will be going on his lunch break together. Today is the first day of this...we started out, he told me to set the pace, and I apparently was thinking I was way more awesome than I am because I started out pretty quick, in fact we finished the first mile in about 10 minutes, but then I started dying! :-/ Had to stop and walk, then jog again. When my hubby set the pace it was much more tolerable...I still felt like I was dying but it felt like I might die in an hour rather than right at that moment. The short of it is that I did finish, we actually finished off really strong and ran the very end. The whole thing was 2.16 miles, in the end it took 27 minutes with an average pace of 4.74 miles per hour. Not the best but it's my first day.

At first I was discouraged, I truthfully expected a little more from myself, but I really am trying and if you could have seen me out there (which I apologize to anyone who drove by and was unfortunate enough to see the mess unfolding) but if you could have seen me and heard me you would know without a doubt that I truly was pushing myself really hard. You know what? I did a pretty good job!

When my husband gets home we will be setting out for the final jog of the day, same route. Maybe I'll hold a good pace better, but who knows...either way I'll keep trying. 3 jogs a day for 2 weeks and we will see if it does my weight loss any favors!

70 pounds in one year is a lot of weight..but I'm thinking that I can do it :)

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” ~Michael Jordan

Me and my new jogging partner <3

Today..I'm better!!!

Rather than aiming for being perfect, just aim to be little bit better today than you were yesterday.........




I know I have said it a million times before but when losing weight the things we have to focus on the most is of course, our goal, and more importantly it's the little victories in between! 

I don't get to weigh for 14 more days so I have no idea where I am at with my weight loss, and this month I certainly have not done an absolutely perfect job. I'm at that itching point...itching to get on the scale. It's a disgusting addiction that scale, sure to bring on an overflow of emotions of one kind or another. I knew even last night that I was going to get on it this morning and I argued with myself over it. I decided to sleep on it and see if I was going to make the right choice and when I woke up I still wanted to head to the bathroom and step on it. Luckily I knew what I had to do....I went to my husband and asked him to save me from myself! So he hid the scale for me, somewhere that I won't be able to find it so that it can gather dust and be free of me stepping on it until February 29th!


So I had no scale and I knew that was for the best but I still wanted some sort of proof that my work is paying off. Then a couple of things happened today that I wasn't expecting, 4 little things that really made my day, and more importantly gave me more determination to keep going strong.


1. I got on the treadmill this morning to do my jog. I pumped the speed up one little extra point, and got moving and 30 minutes later I really felt like I could keep going, and so I did. 35 minutes of jogging! And honestly if I didn't have to shower and get 3 more kids off to school I probably could have kept going because even though I was out of breath and dripping with sweat, and turning red...I didn't feel terrible! It felt SO SO SO good just to really feel like my body is getting so much stronger and building endurance that I never dreamed I would have again.


2. I did my shower and when I was picking clothes I decided to wear the new jeans I got 2 weekends ago. I tried them on when I got them and they fit..nice and snug, but they fit. Today I put them on and they are comfortable, almost a little baggy, I have space in them, they are big! REALLY big deal to me because not only that but they look pretty darn good on me too :)







3. When I dropped my daughter off at school I got a really nice compliment from her teacher, people don't realize how important that kind of thing is. It's nice to hear it, and it's good to know when you have done enough that people notice. It definitely made a good day better!


4. Last but certainly not least....I decided to check my BMI. Now my BMI when I started was at 41.6. Bad, bad, bad. Remember that a healthy BMI is somewhere between 18 and 25 so 41.6 is way over. Today my BMI (according to my last weight from January 31st) is 37.4!! Obviously that is still a ways from being in the healthy weight range, I know I have a long way to go before I'm at a healthy weight BUT let's face it....that's a pretty awesome improvement. Which doesn't only tell me that I have lost weight...but that I am getting healthier while I'm at it.




Pretty awesome stuff to think about because I really am working hard at this, pushing through days that I'm in pain, or tired, or strapped for time, or just lacking motivation. I'm giving up some of the foods that I love, I'm learning who is on my side and which people are positive influences in my journey. I'm making my health a bigger priority in my life than it ever has been. Even though it is such a road of emotions and hardships and celebrations and exhaustion...I'm a happier person, my mood is better, I'm much less cranky, and my positive outlook on myself has improved 110% 


I already like myself more and not just because I have lost weight but also because I like where my weight loss journey is taking me..inside and out!

2/15/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon peach greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

1 pre-packaged smokehouse bbq salad-260 calories

Lunch Total-260 calories

Dinner:

4 oz boneless skinless chicken breast-130 calories

1/2 cup cream of chicken soup-120 calories

1/2 cup frozen broccoli-15 calories

1/2 cup Rice a Roni Broccoli Augraten rice-175 calories

1/4 cup broccoli cheese soup-100 calories

Dinner Total-540 calories

Today's Total-930 calories

Ok so I am sad to say that today I did not get much exercise done today. I put it off because I really needed my foot fixed up because of the raging blister I have on it...so I saved exercise for this afternoon. I forgot that both my girls had dance today, and I had to take Valentine's out to my grandma's plus make dinner...and it was bath night :( Bad bad excuses I know but that is all I can say. I am punishing myself by not having any yummy skinny cow sweet treats. I definitely haven't earned any!

So I am blogging a day late but...Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I had a really amazing day, all because of the amazing people that I have in my life! (Thank you everyone for not buying me any chocolate!) ;)

One thing I really really enjoyed this Valentine's Day was the fact that I was able to let my mind go a little bit. When I am focused on losing weight, I can become almost over obsessed, I get caught up in it, not leaving much space in my head for anything else. I think about it all the time...why haven't I lost more, what more can I do, which exercises are best that day, when should I add more, what times will I work out, should I go ahead and eat carbs, is it worth it???????????????????? Just typing it exhausts me! I don't realize it until I let go for a day how much it exhausts my mind too!

When I say that I let go a little bit...I don't mean my diet and exercise plan. I followed my diet perfectly and I jogged my 25 minutes, and I walked my 5 miles that day. I mean mentally I cleared my head of it. It's hard to clear your mind of something that is so important in your life, but I was able to because I had so much else to think about, and so much to be grateful for, and I took the day to be nothing but loved in my mind.

It couldn't have been a better day because the people around me made me feel so loved and important that I didn't have to spend any time convincing myself, or criticizing, or validating. And because I was able to let go for that time I realized something that I do sometimes take for granted as I get wrapped up in my crazy life, and my busy schedule, and that is my husband.

My husband treated me so sweet all day long, and he is a pretty big sweetheart most of the time but I noticed it more yesterday because it was Valentine's Day I think. Which made me a little disappointed in myself because it really shouldn't take a holiday to make me acknowledge that. The day was amazing, I was in a great mood, had such a blast getting the kids stuff all set up, and baking cupcakes for them to come home to, and getting everyone's gifts and goodies handed out. My hubby bought me a beautiful necklace which was really special because we don't do jewelry a lot, he had a dozen red roses delivered to me, and to top it off he made a dinner reservation by himself and took me out on a great date! I am a very lucky girl.

This morning I let my mind take me back to my weight loss mode and I started tossing around ideas in my head about pumping up my workouts, whether I should up distance, speed, or resistance......on and on. That's when something else came to mind. As I have said before part of the reason why I want to lose weight is for my husband, and this is why.............

I will keep pushing myself so that I feel like I am the most attractive woman in his eyes, and I'm doing that because that's how he always treats me, like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. He loves me unconditionally, he thinks I am sexy, and gorgeous, and when I am feeling really low about my weight he picks me up and makes me believe that I am.

He loves me.....regardless of the number on the scale, what size jeans or dress I wear, or how many inches my waist or thighs might be.



In my pink Valentine workout clothes...really starting to see a noticeable difference in myself. Yay!! All ready for our date!! Me and my amazing husband 2/14/12 <3

Cruelty is an everybody thing...

I really wish that more people felt this way. When I say I wish people felt this way..I don't mean just saying it..but living it, and doing it. None of our hands are completely clean when it comes to this because we have all done or said something cruel.

More than that we have all been the victims of cruelty at one point in time or another. It is something I have always known, but it has really been in my face over this weekend. I don't know why it is...but people are just so cruel. Hurting others has become somewhat of a sport for so many. Doing and saying things that have only one purpose....to cause pain. Some things that people do can literally change someone's life. We have become so unfriendly and so relaxed about how we treat people that so many of us don't even realize the gravity of the pain they might be causing.

I watched and episode of Intervention that really got me thinking. It was about a beautiful woman...who had some pretty big problems. In one scene she was walking down the street and some guys yelled out some hurtful things. She went home and started cutting herself, and I mean it was BAD.

It really made me think about how we talk to other people. To us some of our actions and words may not seem like a big deal, but you just NEVER know how it could affect someone else. They might already be in so much pain that your words were the thing that put them over the edge. It's scary to think about that for me. I want to have an impact on people's lives...but I desperately want it to be a good one, a positive one, something that people will have a good feeling about. The thought that in one careless and cruel moment you could bring somebody that low is a lot of responsibility. But it's not responsibility for other people, it's one for ourselves....we have to take responsibility for ourselves and the things that we do and say.

It's not just overweight people who are victims of cruelty either and that is something I tend to forget. Just because someone has the perfect body and is at the perfect weight doesn't mean their lives are perfect. People that don't have a weight problem are not void of family problems, or bad friendships, or any of the other daily stresses that we deal with.

When your on the receiving end, pick yourself up and move on. Even though it hurts, try not to let other people control your emotions. I struggle with that one because I take things so personally. Odds are that when your a target it's the person on the other end who has a problem and they just don't know how to handle it other than to push it on to others. Misery loves company, but we don't have to live that way. What doesn't kill you really DOES make you stronger! I have really learned 2 things. #1 is that even though it can be really hard..."killing with kindness" really does work. It proves that I am not going to let negativity affect me or my goals, and I feel like a good person when I can be polite and sweet and kind to those who have hurt me in one way or another. I know it's the right thing to do..and this way my conscience is clean, I know I'm doing the right thing. Also most of the time people do mean things to get a reaction out of you..to see it hurt you the way they wanted it to. When you smile and remain kind, it not only confuses them, but the act of giving them no reaction can make someone back off. #2 Use it to your advantage! I take the comments or actions that really bother me and use them to my own advantage..as my motivators. Yes it is kind of like an "I'll show you attitude!", but I figure that's ok...turning a negative thing into a positive one has to be a good thing!

It doesn't matter who we are..whether you are tall or short, fat or skinny, rich or poor....

Cruelty is an everybody thing.

2/13/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon strawberry Greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

1 Slimfast Optima strawberry shake-180 calories

Lunch Total-180 calories

Dinner:

1 cup Eating Right veggie elbow noodles-190 calories

1/2 cup Safeway traditional spaghetti sauce-60 calories

1 oz Jenny-O Italian flavored turkey burger-70 calories

1 small slice whole wheat bread-60 calories

1 slice cheese-60 calories

Dinner Total-440 calories

Dessert:

1 skinny cow cookies and cream ice cream sandwich-150 calories

Dessert total-150 calories

Today's Total-900 calories

Today got off to a bit of a cruddy start when my treadmill wouldn't start this morning. Thank goodness for my amazing friends Gus and CarolAnn who came and fixed it for me! So then I did a 25 minute jog...and I pumped the speed up 2 points. I walked 6 miles today, and I started using the incline on my treadmill! Feel like I got a good workout. And I am getting ready to work out with my hubby and use my shake weight ;) I think it was a good start to this week that I am really planning on pushing myself!

Girls road trip!

I don't have a ton of time for a long blog tonight because I am taking a road trip with my mom and my best friend to do some shopping, have a nice dinner, and most importantly to go to the Breaking Dawn release! I'm pretty excited...and I have to say that yes I am 25, and I definitely am a Twilight fan...love the books, love the movies...I just love love love :) Plus I of course love a little girl time. It's nice to just relax and have fun and NOT stress about what my weight is, or how many pounds I still  need to lose, or what size my jeans are. Those are the people I love being around because they love me and want to spend time with me no matter what my size, I would be LOST without my mom Linda, and my best friend CarolAnn, you guys mean the world to me! <3

Today I jogged for a solid 30 minutes and I was so proud, and I also walked almost my entire 5 miles, but right at the end my treadmill started smoking!! Luckily I had my friend take a look at it and he said it just needs to be oiled...silly me! Then I decided to go ahead and try on my Twilight shirt that I have only worn once because it was way to small..and it fits very nicely so I am a happy happy girl tonight, and definitely feeling ready to take this weekend on, planning on working really really hard this next week because I am wanting to see some crazy results soon! :)

2/9/12

Breakfast:
2 eggs scrambled-140 calories
3 links turkey sausage-110 calories

Breakfast Total-250 calories

Lunch:

1 pre packaged Turkey Cobb salad-290 calories

Lunch Total-290 calories

Dinner:

Lean Cuisine frozen spaghetti dinner-300 calories

Dinner total-300 calories

Dessert:

1 skinny cow peanut butter vanilla ice cream sandwich-150 calories

Dessert Total-150 calories

Today's Total-990 calories

Did not get all my exercise in today, only did a little over 3 miles...hoping to do better tomorrow!

If everything was easy!!!

This went with today's blog so so well...just wanted to share it with all of you! :)

Pride

Some days are just rough days. Maybe not for any particular reason, no one thing, maybe it's a bunch of little things...who knows? Anyways today was one of those days, walking was really really tough today because of this nasty blister I have, and I know that when I say blister it doesn't seem like a big deal, but this thing is huge and really, really sore. I had 2 bandaids on it, and had my foot wrapped in gauze and it was still bleeding through. I walked a little over 3 miles today...at a much slower pace than normal. Could not do my jog this morning because each stride I took tore the thing open even more...just not my happy place AT ALL.

Days like this make a "I'm just gonna give up" attitude easy to take on. I had that attitude this morning after I couldn't jog, then I pushed myself to walk, but wasn't able to complete the whole thing that I wanted too. I am not going to give up though. I'm going to take another walk this evening, I followed my diet all day...I'm not going to give up, and I'm not going to start tomorrow out that way either. I'm going to get up in the morning, and tape my foot up nice and tight and do that jog, and walk those 5 miles and complete it because at this point it almost feels as though life is throwing challenges at me...just to see if I am gonna throw the towel in on this weight loss journey.

It's easier to make the excuse that it's just too hard to complete, that there is no possible way that it's going to happen, rather than too accept that things are going to get tough now and then..there are times that you are going to have to work harder than you expected or wanted too. It doesn't mean that the world is out to get you, or that some negative force is trying to test you, or stop you, or slow you down.....it's just life. Life never stays the same, it can't all be easy, and it won't all be hard. We can't give up, we have to keep pushing through, and when we push through a tougher time, the pride that you have on the other side is worth it.

There is no pride in getting through each day if everything is always perfect, the pride comes when you have overcome something, walked through a challenge and come out a stronger, better person on the other side. Nobody has ever EVER told me that losing weight was easy, and it's not, but I have had many people tell me that it will be worth it, and I believe that it will, but I will never know if I quit trying.

That's what I am going to have when I reach my goal, however far off that may be...pride.

2/8/12

Breakfast:

1 Dannon Strawberry Greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

2 cups Progresso Light chicken noodle soup-120 calories

Lunch Total-120 calories

Dinner:

4 oz turkey burger-120 calories

2 small slices whole wheat bread-120 calories

1 slice cheese-60 calories

2 tbls ketchup-20 calories

2 cups salad-14 calories

2 tbls Kraft fat free Italian dressing-15 calories

Dinner Total-349 calories

Dessert:

1 skinny cow peanut butter ice cream sandwich-150 calories

Dessert Total-150 calories

Today's Total-749 calories

This is definitely a low calorie day, but part of that is because I was not feeling very good at all this morning, and into the afternoon. Breakfast and lunch I only ate anything at all because I knew that I needed to. I did my 25 minute jog this morning and also walked 5.8 miles, after I get the kids in bed I'll be doing my abs and strength training.

Smaller, smaller, smaller!

Ok I am starting out this post with a picture, for two reasons. One being that it is one of the things I did this weekend while I wasn't blogging. We paid off our car and bought a new one, but the most important reason is that this picture is the first one I have looked at and really realized that I am getting smaller! Obviously not where I need and want to be, but definitely noticeably smaller than when I started, and I know that I am, the numbers tell me that, but it's a different thing to see a picture of yourself and see it, especially because we are harder on ourselves. That was a good day for me in the picture department, I took one today and absolutely feel like I look at least 5 months pregnant...such is life I guess.

I haven't blogged in 5 days, first it was because I was out of town for the weekend, Monday and Tuesday is a different matter because my kids came down with pink eye....which then passed on to me, my hubby, and my mom, it was a total nightmare, everyone had to be home and it was just a very crazy couple of days. Today life went back to normal which I very much appreciated because I am the type of person who feeds off of a routine and a schedule..it's the way my life runs somewhat smoothly and when things are out of whack it makes it hard. That being said, I am back and blogging again and sitting here doing it feels good!

I got the opportunity to do a little clothes shopping this weekend and let me tell you....what a different experience than I am normally used to. Generally shopping for clothes comes with a side of depression, and knocks my self esteem down a notch or two, but this weekend it did the opposite. I bought smaller jeans that looked good, I bought smaller bra's and when I was picking out new workout clothes...there were things that were actually to big for me! That is a pretty big deal. Last time I bought a yoga outfit it was a 2X. This time, not only was the 2X to big, but so was the XL...I was able to buy just plain large, in the woman's department...not the plus size section. The large is a 12/14..and to me that was a BIG deal! There was a time in my life when I was uncomfortable in a 3X!

It's good for stuff like that to happen because it reassures us that our work pays off, and now that I weigh only once a month I rely on little victories like that to keep me motivated, to show me that progress is being made.

Another thing that this picture made me realize is that I  have NO idea what my thinner figure will look like. In my adult life so far I have been overweight, and my body has definitely changed...in this picture I have hips! Noticeable hips...which when I look at pictures of me in high school, there were no sign of. I can't look at old pictures and know what my body will look like, because my body has changed. I have taken on a more womanly figure...really without even noticing it because when you are hiding under layers of fat, and a huge belly, and love handles..you can't really see the hips. This is the first picture that I really noticed it in. I have had 4 kids and gotten older and my body is no longer a straight line, but I have never really experienced that part of me because of the extra weight. On one hand it's a little scary having no certain idea what my body will look like. On the other hand it is very exciting to wonder about it and think about it...and someday to see it will be completely amazing because it truly will be a me that I have never been before, and that is really something.

In the meantime I'm gonna keep imagining...and picking out cuter clothes of course because this is one smaller body that I have never been able to dress, and I am loving every minute of it ;)

2/2/12

Breakfast:
1 Nature Valley chocolate peanut protein bar-190 calories

Breakfast Total-190 calories

Lunch:

1 pre-packaged smokehouse bbq salad-260 calories

2 cups Progresso vegetable soup-160 calories

Lunch Total-420 calories

Snack:

1 cup Campbells vegetable soup-200 calories

Snack Total-200 calories

Dinner:

4 oz chicken breast-110 calories

2 tbls bbq sauce-50 calories

1/2 cup rice-175 calories

1 cup frozen green beans-30 calories

Dinner Total-365 calories

Dessert:

1 vanilla skinny cow ice cream sandwich-140 calories

Dessert Total-140 calories

Today's Total-1315 calories

Just another day...good day for diet and exercise. I am leaving town tomorrow hopefully :) I am not sure that I will be able to blog over the weekend but I will give it my best shot!! I will definitely be keeping up with diet and exercise. I will be using the hotel gym and I am well versed in restaurant calories. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!! 

Hurting each other

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can somehow become great. 
Mark Twain

Today I was thinking about the negative people that come in and out of my life, and the way those things and people have affected me. Giving other people power over your emotions is never a good idea, and I know that truly nobody can hurt you unless you let them...but let's face it....loving someone and caring about them opens you up for that pain.

Even though none of us like to admit it there are people in our lives that will hurt you....in fact most people in our lives that we love and spend a lot of time with will hurt us at one point or another. It's human nature (sadly) to hurt those around us every now and again. Most of us try not to hurt the people around us that we love, and when it happens it was accidental. We say something before thinking about it, or we take things the wrong way...there are a ton of reasons...sometimes we are just plain being inconsiderate, or we forget how important it is to be compassionate towards other people, especially those who are important to us.

These aren't the kind of people and relationships I'm talking about here tonight. I'm talking about the people that intentionally hurt others. Purposely saying things and doing things with no other agenda other than to hurt people, bring them down, make them doubt themselves, and to lower your self esteem. These people say things for no other reason than to make you feel like less than what you are. To make you think you can't accomplish the things that you want to, to make you think that your dreams are not within your reach.



I don't want to even try to figure out all the reasons why one person might want to hurt another, but all I want to say tonight is that when you come across people like this, you will know, and it is best to put a distance between you and those people. For me, many of those kind of people are simply no longer a part of my life at all, some I am not willing to completely let go of, but I have to keep some distance so that I can't be dragged down. More often than not, those people are hurting me because they don't want me to succeed. They are afraid of who I will become with that confidence that comes with reaching a goal...working hard to get there and accomplishing something that is important to you gives you self empowerment like you have never known before, that kind of thing scares some people. Those are the people you have to worry about. Those are the people who don't want to celebrate with you, and support you. Or worse they pretend to celebrate with you and secretly plan on hurting you, secretly hoping to break your spirit.

It's a dangerous game sometimes, letting people into your life.

Lucky for me, and I'm sure for all of you there are positive amazing people in my life to balance out the rest, and that's what we have to keep looking too!

Don't let people get you down, trust me I know it can be very hard, but you have to believe in yourself enough to know better!

2/1/12

Breakfast:
2 eggs, scrambled-140 calories
3 turkey sausage links-110 calories

Breakfast Total-250 calories

Lunch:

1 cup Progresso vegetable soup-80 calories

1 pre-packaged sante fe salad-280 calories

Lunch Total-360 calories

Dinner:

2 cups Progresso Light vegetable barley soup-120 calories

1 Pre-packaged chef salad-270 calories

1 slice cheese-60 calories

Dinner Total-450 calories

Dessert:

1 vanilla skinny cow ice cream sandwich-140 calories

Dessert Total-140 calories

Today's Total-1200 calories

I didn't have a great day in itself today, but it was a good diet and exercise day, got my exercise done reluctantly and followed my diet :) lol I am very glad the day is coming to an end and I am so so so ready for Friday to be here!!! Goodnight everyone!

It's just one of those days

"Some succeed because they are destined to, but most succeed because they are determined to." (G. Clegg)


"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination." (Tommy Lasorda)

Last night Hunter decided to get Cory and I up at 3:00 in the morning and didn't crash out until about 7 am, at which time we already had to start our day. So needless to say I was exhausted this morning. Then even though today was the day I had been expecting my taxes...and they didn't show up, and boy was I cranky about that! The whole day just started out terribly and I was in NO mood to do anything, especially the exercise I knew I needed to do.

I'm not talking about the normal days where you get up and you don't necessarily want to do anything, and you kind of dread getting on the treadmill, but you do it anyways...I'm talking about today...where I sat on the couch debating, and kept getting up and doing stuff around the house...choosing any excuse at all to NOT get on the treadmill. I debated with myself and I thought oh forget it, I just weighed yesterday..it won't hurt me to  miss one day right after a weigh in, after all I won't weigh again for a month so if I don't exercise it's not going to hurt me. Then I told myself that everyone is entitled to a bad day and if I don't want to do anything than it's definitely my choice, I would only be hurting myself, I deserve a day to not worry about it, blah, blah, blah. On and on and on, excuse after excuse!!!

So long story short I went on this way until almost 1 p.m. today, and 2 things got me in the right mind frame.

First things first, I decided to get on the scale, even though yesterday was weigh in, even though I am trying to only weigh once a month so that I don't get discouraged. But today I needed discouragement today, I thought if nothing else I would probably weigh more because by this time I have eaten both breakfast and lunch...plus drank over a gallon of water. My thinking was that when I got on the scale and saw that number it would push me to do my workouts, that those numbers would tell me "Oh no, you are NOT going to let this happen, you have worked too hard!!" So anyways I ended up getting on the scale, and instead of weighing more I weighed less 2.4 pounds less to be exact...I weighed 232 when yesterday I was at 234.4. The fact that the number was smaller motivated me even more than a bigger number would have, when I saw that...I decided that each day DOES in fact matter, each day my body is changing....getting stronger, and smaller, and I  knew at that moment that late or not, bad day or not, tired or not, cranky or not...I had to do what I needed to do which was get on the treadmill, do my jog, and walk my 5 miles. And I did :)

The second thing that motivated me was this, this whole blog, and all the people who follow it, or even take the time to read it now and then. I did not want to have to get on here and say that I didn't. I didn't want to let anyone down who is inspired by me and my motivation (even though it is lacking every now and then). I didn't want anyone to think I was giving up on myself...because so many times before I have given up on myself, doubted my strength and dedication and motivation. Doubted that I was ever going to be able to do this. When you feel hopeless and can be hard to keep going, when you look ahead and see a long hard road, it's easier to make excuses as to why you can't do it. When you look at your progress but then see how far you still have to go....it can be very, very discouraging. I know for me sometimes it's easier to assume that I never will, then at least I don't have to be on this roller coaster of physical and emotional challenges.

Something else I have learned is that sometimes when you keep giving up on  yourself, it makes it increasingly easier for other people to give up on you! We don't want to give up on ourselves because we need other people to keep cheering us on, to keep giving us support, and to not give up on us...even when we want to give up on ourselves.

That is exactly why I decided to do this blog in the first place, to rally support, to show support, to inspire, to help when and if I could......and to keep me accountable and standing on two feet, maybe not always with a smile, but still on two feet, pushing forward.

I thank all of you for that!


"There is nothing impossible to him who will try." (Alexander the Great)