2 Years and counting!

Our baby is 2 years old now. It's a big occasion, not just for the obvious reasons that our babies getting older is a big deal. It's a big occasion because I had my tubes tied after I had Hunter, so this makes 2 years and counting that my body has been my own, without housing any human beings. I had 4 kids in 6 years, so I had become pretty accustomed to sharing my body. 2 years now without any excuses for being overweight. I have known always that I could not blame my weight on my pregnancies, it was my own behavior during pregnancies...and in between that caused my weight to spiral out of control, but whatever way you look at it pregnancy is tough on the body, and it changes a woman's body permanently in some ways.

It was 2 years ago when I had my final post-pregnancy check up. My doctor asked me what I was going to do now (since I had spent the last 6 years basically as a baby factory) :) I told my doctor then that I wanted to lose weight...that was my next big project, and it has been quite a work in progress ever since that day! Of course if I had been working as hard as I am now the entire time I would most likely be at my goal weight, but I haven't. It's been off and on, still I am significantly lighter now than I was then, so my efforts .weren't all destroyed. Willpower and motivation long term can be a real issue for me. Because of my own struggles I really learned what it means to make a lifestyle change. Diet and exercise will make you lose weight....maintaining weight loss long term requires those healthy habits to become the norm for you. I'm still working on that now because it's so easy to slip into old habits.

All I want to do this time is to just really do it! Keep doing it! Years of losing and gaining 20-50 pounds and gaining it back has been the story of my adult life, I want out of that cycle, I want to really truly take it all the way...and then stay there!

The jogging has been pretty tough on me, and today has not been any different, and I know without a doubt that skipping 3 days over the long weekend did not help, even though I followed my diet really well not getting that exercise in made starting again today rough to say the least, but I did it. In the past when it was that hard, I would just give up...gain it all back, and then get upset about it, upset and angry at myself for not caring enough about me to keep it up. I have no idea what has changed inside my body and mind but for some reason even when I don't want to...I do it. I am certainly not complaining because that's what I have needed all along, I can't go back to giving up on myself when the journey is tough. If it was easy then everyone would be thin, if it doesn't hurt then it probably isn't working. Pushing through the pain is where the test is at. I am my own worst critic and sometimes I just wanna smack myself for taking 25 minutes to to jog just over 2 miles, but even at my lowest even when I'm not proud, even when I am being hardest on myself, and I feel like I'm dying after my jog...I keep going, I keep doing it, that is what is going to get me my long term results, that is what is going to make the difference in success rather than failure.

I am refusing to give up on myself, and that has to count for something.