She keeps going and going and going :)

I have been seriously busting my butt for 16 days now after signing up for a weight loss competition sponsored here at the hospital. I have missed 3 workout days since then. Once on Valentine's Day, once when I was really sick, and once last night because I had a lot to do to get ready for my son's 3rd birthday party today! I have only taken one day off my diet and that was Valentines Day and I didn't even go overboard. I am very very proud of myself, but 16 days in can make me restless....it's a long time to bust your butt and deprive yourself every single day without getting irritated. I can accept the fact that I'm going to struggle with stuff like that, but getting through it successfully is easier said than done.

I have a serious issue with wanting things to happen much quicker than they are going to. I mean it took me 10 years to gain all this weight...why in the hell can't it fall off in 2 weeks??? lol. Yes, logically I know better, but sometimes when you feel like you are pushing yourself to the limit and your not seeing things happen quickly enough it's frustrating! A weight loss battle can teach you a lot of big and small things about yourself, some things we already know, some things, we didn't and some things we don't want to know. Like it or not, if your in a serious battle with yourself, about weight....your gonna learn. Tonight I wanna share just a few of the biggest things I have learned about myself this year!

1. I have learned that I am fat! Obviously this falls under the category of things I already knew about myself, but really, I have a lot of workout buddies this go around, and some of them aren't fat! In fact some of them are plain skinny, and I don't begrudge them that, I'm just saying I look like a very very large person working out next to some of them. Sometimes I hate it because it's easier for these people, and really I'm wishing it was easier for me, it's clearly my own fault,and that is what I'm trying to fix but it's still frustrating at times.

2. I have learned that I am pretty impatient when it comes to myself. In a weird way I sort of already knew that, but it's always to so much more of an extreme when I am trying to lose weight. Like I said, even though it took me years to gain all the weight, I want it to come off now.....and stay off! Please and Thank You!

3. I have learned that I am really really self conscious when it comes to working out at the gym with people I don't know. This is a new thing for me because I have never had a gym membership before and it can really bother me to bust my butt in front of strangers because frankly I'm sure it isn't a pretty sight. I have had to learn to take on an attitude of feeling good and not caring what they are thinking because at least I am there trying to fix it. This is also weird for me because I have no problem spouting my weight and all my personal information regarding my weight loss journey all over the internet in this blog! ;) I guess we all have a comfort zone...and this is mine. I know people that would't dare tell someone what they weigh, but have no problem working out in front of whoever.

4. Sometimes the people who you believed would be your biggest supporters, are everything but that. This has been the toughest one for me so far. Some people just can't find it in themselves to tell you that you are doing a good job, or to throw you some words of encouragement when they know how hard you have been working. This is one of those big things you can learn in a journey like this, and something that you don't learn just about yourself. It's never clear if it's out of selfishness, or jealousy, or just plain hardheartedness....whichever reason it is. It isn't right and it's certainly not fair, but you can't make people support you when they don't want to, whether they should be or not. Even if it's someone who should have, or someone you really thought would. Some people just don't have it in them! Most of the time it's people who haven't really been down a road like this one to really try hard to take weight off. In the end it's always a good thing to learn about people because as the old saying goes "When things get tough, you always learn who your true friends are", and that's true, you can learn who really wants you to succeed, you can learn who can support you through tough times, and you can learn who you can count on to stand by your side and support you no matter what the battle is you are fighting. On the reverse side of that, you can also have amazing support come from places you never thought and form strong bonds with people who want to see and help you succeed. At the end of the day, even though it can be tough, it's good to know who you can really depend on!

5. The last big thing I have really been learning is that......when people don't show support, and people don't want me to succeed.....it. makes. me. want. it. MORE!!!!! Tell me I can't do something and it is going to make me that much more determined to do it, and I can be a very controlled and determined person, in fact I'm known for it around my house :) It's a much needed skill that I have learned over many years of dealing with a lot of different types of people, and all the different types of crap that comes from it. I'm not saying that some of this stuff isn't hurtful, or even angering...but I am pretty good these days about taking negative energy and words, and using it to my own advantage, to push myself harder. Everyone knows success is that much sweeter when you do something someone either didn't want you to do, or didn't think you could do! So I guess even though it's something I would prefer to not deal with , I can use it as a tool. By all means, if you must, keep it coming ;)

I'm still going strong. Still learning, day by day. Keeping it going, no matter what happens. I'm still here, still working, still changing, and still positive that no matter what, that isn't going to change anytime soon!

With the right pair of shoes...a girl can do anything ;)

Blogging in the blogging chair tonight...headed to the gym as soon as I'm finished :)

As any of you who know me know, I have been hard on the diet and workout plan for almost a week solid. I mean counting every last calorie, and working out every night at the gym although I did miss one night at the gym because I was out of town, but my hubby and I ran that morning instead. I have no idea where my numbers are at, but I can feel changes already. Part of me wants to hop on the scale just too see, but my smarter side knows better, knows to be patient and wait. Now it may seem like a silly thing to some people, but shoes make a big difference when you decide to start working out hard. I have never ever had a really nice pair of shoes, mainly because I can't bring myself to spend the money on them. However, because of that normally by this time, I am having to miss workouts because I have blistered and bloody feet. This year my mom...looking out for me no matter what age I am bought me a nice pair of Adidas Climamax running shoes over Superbowl weekend and I have to tell you that I am in love. I have had these shoes and been working out in them for a week and my feet are in perfect condition...no blisters, no rashes from rubbing, the bottom of my feet aren't sore...nothing. I am in shoe heaven, workout shoe heaven to be more exact.

There they are...they are hot pink and fluorescent turquoise and to be honest that has nothing to do with why I love them so much. I decided to "break them in" on Superbowl Sunday, and I didn't need to, they fit my foot like a glove and they are so flexible and light that it's almost like you don't even have any shoes on. Now I don't want to write an entire blog on shoes, but I am just putting it out there that something so small, one little thing like the shoes you wear can make the difference in succeeding. I know it's easy to feel guilty about it (I mean my mom had to buy mine for me) but if your in it to win it...go all in! Don't let something so small keep getting in your way. The less little stuff that gets in the way, the more likely we are to make it! Plus we have fewer things to use as excuses :) The other thing that is really keeping me motivated is my workout buddies. My husband has always been a good one when he commits, but to have others who stick with you and push you is a huge weight lifted because sometimes I need it. I have been sick and yesterday had our workout buddies not called, I may not have hit the gym, but they did, and I did, and I rocked it...even feeling like crap. So cheers to success in numbers..the more people you have rooting for you, the more people on your side, wanting you to succeed, the more likely it is that you will! Day 5 of hitting it hardcore and going strong!!!

Hitting the gym!!

Weigh Day!!!

Ok, just a quick post tonight because it was weigh day, and we had bowling tonight and now are having a movie night with friends, but I haven't forgotten that I need to be accountable! I'm sure that all of you have been on the edge of your seats all day just pondering what I weigh lol so here it is!

I mentioned in my last post that I didn't come into this weigh in with a lot of expectations, the truth is I know my behavior throughout the month so most of the time I somewhat know what to expect. I'm pretty happy with the 5 pound loss this weigh in! :) It's 5 less pounds than I was last month and it's been a crazy month. Plus when you get down to it, one pound of fat lost is pretty substantial. It's definitely time for a positive approach to weigh in's rather than being hard on myself! I'm about to start hitting this pretty hard so I fully expect next month's number to be bigger!!!  Looking forward to the next month, have quite a few interesting topics that I am hoping to dig into and blog about this month. I see a ton of good things for the month of February! Have a wonderful evening my friends, and as always thank you so much for the continued support!