Weigh and Measure day!!!

So today was the day I had been dreading for quite some time...weigh in and measurement day! I have been working very hard all month, and while I haven't done everything completely perfect I have done a pretty damn good job. So I guess I was a tiny disappointed when I weighed, and it's not that I didn't do a good job this month, or that the weight loss was terrible...what I think happened was since I was able to fit into jeans that were quite a bit smaller I was thinking I was going to see a smaller number than what I did. So here it is...

So there it is, my final number for January 2012. 234.4!!! Ok so I was hoping to see a number about 10 pounds less than that, but now that I have done the math..and the measurements I'm pretty excited! I started out at 258.2 on January 1st which puts me at a 23.8 pound loss this month....and that's quite a bit of weight :) and it's about .77 pounds a day. Not bad at all for the first month, and I'm hoping it's just my jump start for an even better number in February.

So today I also did my measurements and they are as follows:
Waist-41 1/2 inches
Hips-45 inches
Right thigh-25 inches
Left thigh-25 inches
Right calf-16 inches
Left calf-16.5 inches
Right Arm-13 inches
Left Arm-12.5 inches
Bust-44 inches

So from January first from now I have lost
6 1/2 inches off my waist
7 1/2 inches off my hips
3 inches off my right thigh
3 inches off my left thigh
1/2 inch off my right calf
1/2 inch off my left calf
1 1/2 inches off my right arm
1 1/2 inches off my left arm
3 inches off my Bust

THAT IS A TOTAL OF 27 INCHES OFF OF MY BODY, THAT IS MORE THAN 2 FEET!!!

And I am thinking that is a pretty big deal....even though my actual weight wasn't what I expected, I can see how I fit into smaller jeans..27 inches is a lot, and 14 of it in the waist and hips where my jeans go :) Anyways it is month number one...coming to a close and I am happy, and I am proud that my work has paid off, and I am even more proud that I am still going at it...still working towards my goal. Onto the next month and onto more sweating and dieting and working hard to get me closer and closer to where I wanna be! Moving on to the next chapter...and new numbers...hopefully much smaller ones ;)

Me in my new size 14 Levi's...looking pretty good I think :)

1/31/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Peach Greek Yogurt-130 calories
1 cup peach chunks-60 calories

Breakfast Total-190 calories

Lunch:

1 Pre-packaged smokehouse bbq salad-260 calories

1 cup Progresso Vegetable soup-80 calories

Lunch Total-340 calories

Dinner:

4 oz boneless skinless chicken breast-110 calories

2 tbls hickory smoke bbq sauce-50 calories

1/2 cup broccoli rice-175 calories

1/4 cup broccoli cheese soup-100 calories

1 cup frozen broccoli-30 calories

Dinner Total-465 calories

Dessert:

1 Peanut Butter skinny cow ice cream sandwich-150 calories

Dessert Total-150 calories

Today's Total-1145 calories

Great diet day today, good day on exercise too. I did a 25 minute jog, and walked just over 5 miles. I am definitely feeling my body getting stronger, I'm able to do much more physical activity :)

1/30/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Greek yogurt, peach-130 calories
3/4 cup peanut butter multi grain cheerios-110 calories
1/2 cup skim milk-50 calories

Breakfast Total-290 calories

Lunch:

1 pre-packaged chef salad-280 calories

27 Sour Cream and Onion Special K cracker chips-110 calories

Lunch Total-390 calories

Dinner:

2 cups shredded lettuce-14 calories

1/4 cup colby jack shredded cheese-110 calories

4 ounces turkey-110 calories

2 tbls ranch dressing-150 calories
1/4 cup tomatoes-7 calories
10 large black olives sliced-50 calories

Dinner Total-441 calories

Dessert:

1 Vanilla skinny cow ice cream sandwich-140 calories

Dessert Total-140 calories

Today's Total-1261 calories

Ok so I am not a big fan of Monday's but today was pretty good. I did great on my diet today, and although I didn't get a walk in...I did bust my butt all day shampooing carpets and tons of other housecleaning. It was a good day, and tomorrow is weigh in day...the 31st! I hope it goes good. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping I see some numerical results! Tomorrow we will see I guess. No blog tonight...it's just been way to crazy the last 3 days! Goodnight Everyone!!

1/29/12

Breakfast:
Didn't have any breakfast....I know..bad bad bad

Lunch:
2 hot dogs-300 calories
2 pieces sliced cheese-120 calories

Lunch total-420 calories

Dinner:

10 chicken nuggets-500 calories

2 tbls ketchup-20 calories

2 slices wheat bread-120 calories

4 slices turkey lunch meat-70 calories

1 piece sliced cheese-60 calories

6 pizza rolls-210 calories

Dinner Total-980 calories

Dessert:

1 vanilla skinny cow ice cream sandwich-140 calories

Dessert Total-140 calories

Today's Total-1540 calories

Ok this is terrible, and this is why it's a good idea to log your food because when you have to write it down or type it out....you see how good (or how terribly bad you did). This is what I ate Sunday..BAD BAD BAD. It started out bad skipping breakfast..and it's not the calorie amount that bothers me, its the crap I put into my body! Yuck! Note to self....definitely should not make a habit of eating like this!!!

1/28/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Strawberry Greek yogurt-130 calories
3/4 cup peanut butter multi grain cheerios-110 calories
1/2 cup skim milk-50 calories

Breakfast Total-290 calories

Lunch:

1 pre-packaged Santa Fe salad-280 calories

27 Sour Cream and Onion Special K cracker chips-110 calories

Lunch Total-390 calories

Dinner:

4 ounces boneless skinless chicken breast-110 calories

2 tbls. Lawry's Teriyaki Marinade-40 calories

1/2 cup Rice a Roni chicken Teriyaki rice-125 calories

1 cup frozen stir fry vegetables-35 calories

Dinner Total-310 calories

Today's Total-990 calories

Saturday I walked 5.31 miles..was a good diet day too, plus it's the day I got into the size 14's pretty excited by that!!

This...Is....Working!!! :)

I did not get to blog last night because I took my husband out on a surprise date, which was a ton of fun and something we don't do a lot. I mean just be with only each other. So anyways, that is why I didn't blog last night, but it works out ok because today I did something that gave me something to tell you guys!!!

This afternoon I was getting ready to drag my hubby out to walk with me and getting my workout clothes on, which I have noticed over the last week that they are bigger. I eyeballed a pair of size 14 jeans that have been given to me and I though "What the heck? Let's give it a shot!" I tried them on, and they fit me!!!!! I was so excited I ran out to show my mom and Cory and then I started second guessing myself...thinking it was some kind of a fluke or something, so I went and dug out a second pair of size 14, and they fit as well! Now I am nowhere near where I want to be, but this is a huge deal for me, you have to remember that there was a time, when I was at my heaviest that I was in a size 24! Even most recently, when I started my weight loss journey January 1st I was a solid size 18 and even some 20's. So a 14? I'll take it! I do have one pair of 15's that I can't get one which is weird but it must be the brand running different, plus they are low rise and I definitely have hips, and I have been told that I have a very round behind....so maybe that's why. Either way I will take it! I'm happy with it, and more than that it let's me know that what I am doing is working! It's so much more motivating when you have concrete proof that things are changing!

Now January 31st is the day that I need to weigh in, that is on Tuesday and I am thinking that I'm gonna be ok with the numbers because I am fitting into smaller jeans, but I refuse to get on the scale before then because I want to give myself the next 3 days to lose lose lose if that's what it wants to do (and it better be!) So Tuesday is the day and that's the day that I will also be measuring myself....so time will tell, but in the meantime I am going to keep trucking away at it, working hard, eating right, and keeping a good attitude!

Even if the scale doesn't say exactly what I want it too, my jeans are the proof that it's working anyways...it's not always about a number!!




Now hopefully the next ones I post will be even better...still have a long way to go but I'm off to one hell of a start! I wish I had taken photos before I started at all!!!!! :)

1/27/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Strawberry Greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

1 Pre-packaged Santa Fe Salad Bowl-280 calories

27 Special K Sour Cream and onion cracker chips-110calories

Lunch Total-390 calories

Snack:

6 inch Subway Tuna sandwich on wheat bread with veggies-450 calories

Snack Total-450 calories

Dinner:

6 inch Subway Tuna sandwich on wheat bread with veggies-450 calories

1 serving Cheese Doritos-150 calories

Dinner Total-600 calories

Today's Total-1570 calories

Ok so I went a little over my calories...bottom line is tuna is a bad choice for a sandwich, it doesn't seem like it, but it is...turkey breast is a much better choice, also...obviously, Doritos is a big no no. I know both of those things are not the best choice, but I allowed myself to splurge a little bit and I only went 70 calories over my limit so it's ok!

1/26/12

Breakfast:
3/4 Multigrain peanut butter Cheerios-110 calories
1/2 cup skim milk-50 calories

Breakfast Total-160 calories

Lunch:

1 1/2 cups lettuce-12 calories

2 slices cheese-180 calories

1/4 cup tomatoes-7 calories

2 ounces turkey breast-60 calories

2 tbls fat free Italian Dressing-15 calories

5 large black olives sliced-25 calories

27  Special K cracker chips sour cream and onion-110 calories

Lunch Total-409 calories

Dinner:

4 ounces boneless skinless chicken breast-110 calories

2 tbls. Lawry's Teriyaki Marinade-40 calories

1/2 cup Rice a Roni chicken Teriyaki rice-125 calories

1 cup frozen stir fry vegetables-35 calories

Dinner Total-310 calories

Dessert:

1 skinny cow peanut butter ice cream sandwhich-150 calories

1 pouch skinny cow caramel clusters candy-120 calories 

Dessert Total-270 calories

Today's Total-1149 calories

So yes I have a sweet tooth and had 2 desserts, but they were skinny cow and I am still way under my calorie limit so I'm thinking it's gonna be ok! :) That is part of why I like to count calories because you don't have to take any foods away from yourself, you  just have to use moderation! :) 

On top of that I jogged for 25 minutes today!!!! I know it's only 5 extra minutes, but the jogging is a huge deal for me because once I got so overweight I thought it was something I would never be able to do, so I am very very proud :) I walked just over 5 miles today too.

So all in all very good day! Hope everyone else's was too!!!

Love me for me

I was reading my Glamour magazine today and they had a "man section". Basically they go out with a huge list of questions and poll 1000 different men. One of the questions was:

Would you rather date a woman 20 years older than you OR 20 pounds heavier than you??

51% OF MEN SAID THEY WOULD RATHER DATE A WOMAN 20 YEARS OLDER!!!

OMG that is a woman that would be old enough to be their mother! 20 pounds???? REALLY???? Good thing I am married because I would be screwed considering I have 100 pounds to lose and I weigh at least 30 more pounds than my husband! (Which I actually do hate that I do) 

What I really wanna say to these men is.............GUESS WHAT BUDDY???? For starters that women that you refuse to date because she weighs a measly 20 pounds more than you.....could be really, really, really awesome! Odds are that because she is overweight, she won't jerk you around as much because as men so clearly feel.......only half of men would even consider being with her. She could be the sweetest woman around, not to  mention the fact that just because a women is overweight DOES NOT, I repeat DOES NOT mean she isn't beautiful! I know some absolutely gorgeous women that are overweight, and I know some skinny women that aren't all that fun to look at. Beauty is not based on weight alone you idiots!!!!

It is estimated that 63-67% of Americans are overweight I have read a lot of different statistics on the matter and it's always somewhere in that range. We ARE the majority! I am absolutely not saying that that is a good thing, in fact I know good and well that it's not, I am also not saying a  man shouldn't date an older women. To each his own. What I am saying is that he shouldn't decide based on weight! The  more I learn the more angry I get, the more disgusted with people I get, the more I fear for my children who are growing up and developing in our society today. I am saying that we are the majority....more women than not are overweight. What if we decided we wouldn't date men who are NOT overweight? Your choices would dwindling by the day! Not to mention the fact that I am almost willing to bet that if she was 20 pounds heavier because of a DDD boob job and an ass implant...he would be ok with that. It's disgusting.

I also wish I knew who these men were. This way we could put them in a room and let a bunch of strong willed, beautiful, amazing overweight women give it to them the way they deserve! This way we could tell them to go ahead and date someone as old as their mother, because those 20 pounds I have on you...I can lose them. She is only going to get older. Oh and of course can we mention that men like this must have the maturity level of my 2 year old, and what women that is 20 years older wants to be with an immature idiot like that!?!?!? Those a-holes are destined to be alone I'm thinking!

Ok, I definitely needed to vent a little obviously...but in all seriousness...that sort of thing hurts, and sad but true is the fact that for almost all of us, part of the reason why we want to lose weight is to attract the opposite sex (or the same sex if you happen to be a lesbian, I won't discriminate!) 

I was just having a talk with my friend CarolAnn about this the other day. If we aren't already with someone we want to lose so that we can reel that perfect guy in. For me, I want to keep my husband happy.

Before anyone starts hating on my hubby you should know that he has NEVER said anything to me about  my weight, he still tells me I am beautiful and sexy and treats me that way too. He has never made me feel undesirable, but in my heart of hearts, in my reality, I know of course that I am overweight, and we all know that while some men do love curves on a women...most men don't want a women who is significantly overweight such as myself.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts, and when we first got together I didn't really have a weight problem ( I look at pictures now and I laugh because I thought I was fat then? lol I had no idea how fat I could get, if I could go back I would kick my own ass!) But the truth remains that over the last 10 years I have changed, I have put on a lot of weight, I don't look near like I did when we got together and don't we have to wonder if they miss the thin versions of ourselves? Even though men (or at least smart ones! lol) wouldn't say those things, but I'm sort of thinking...they are thinking it! We are told constantly that losing weight shouldn't be for anyone but yourself, but I can't help how I feel and although I am doing it for myself I have to be honest and admit that part of me is doing it for him.

So I am saying it...part of the reason I want to lose weight is for my husband! Is is shameful to feel that way? It's out of my love for him, and my love for who we are together that I want to be the best me that I can be...for him AND for myself, and for my kids, and for a lot of reasons. It's ok to feel that way, so long as that isn't the only reason your doing it...it's ok, for that to be one of the many reasons why we work so hard :) If it's something you have decided you want to do for him, that's ok, it's up to you...if he is telling you that you don't have a choice...tell him to hit the road!!! And always remember that you don't have to look one certain way, or be pin thin or have the perfect measurements to be desirable!

I told you all in the beginning I was going to blog what was real, I was going to blog the stuff we think about but are too afraid to say....

So lets try and not think about the a-holes out there who can't appreciate a women for who she is on the inside as well as on the outside and let's never forget that there really and truly are men out there who aren't that way, after all your dodging the real bullet if a guy like that won't date you because you don't have the exact body of a supermodel. And the good one's you will know....after all if there are 51% who won't date an overweight woman....that means there are 49% who will, and even if you do get thin and perfect...I would say still stick with one of them in that 49%, they will be the ones worthwhile ;)

Me and my hubby, who seems to love me even when I'm fat <3

1/25/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Peach Greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

1 pre-packaged turkey, bacon, and cobb salad-290 calories

1 hard boiled egg-70 calories

Lunch Total-360 calories

Dinner:

1 1/2 cups lettuce-12 calories

2 slices cheese-180 calories

1/4 cup tomatoes-7 calories

2 ounces turkey breast-60 calories

2 tbls fat free Italian Dressing-15 calories

5 large black olives sliced-25 calories

2 slices multigrain bread-130 calories

4 ounces turkey breast-110 calories

Dinner Total-539 calories

Dessert:

1 vanilla skinny cow ice cream sandwich-140 calories

Dessert total-140 calories

Today's Total-1169 calories

Good diet day :) Good exercise day too, when I finished my jog today I felt pretty good, it only took me a minute or so to recover from it. Walked almost 5.5 miles, and at a good speed, plus got to do it outside and with CarolAnn thanks to the wonderful weather today! Feeling good! 6 days to weigh in now!!! 

Healthy inside...Healthy outside!

Even though today I had a pretty awesome day, towards the end a few things came up that really bothered me, and immediately what I want to do when I get stressed out and upset is to eat. And when I say eat I mean eat a whole ton of crap that nobody should be putting in their bodies in the first place because it contains little to no nutritional value. I read in a weight loss magazine that food is fuel and fuel only. Food is around because our bodies need it to keep going, but like so many things we live in a society that has taken it to an extreme. There are sooooooooooooo many foods anymore that have nothing to do with fueling your body and have everything to do with fueling cravings and salty foods that bloat us, and sugar highs and then crashes...fueling our bodies to be not only fat but unhealthy! Luckily today I was upset, but still in control of myself, still with my eye on the prize, and so tonight it got me wondering what has changed? Why am I able to do this for myself now? Then I realized maybe before I didn't like myself enough to know I was worth it!

It is a proven fact that we learn our eating habits and develop our relationships with food at a young age. In my family food has always been a celebration, and event, a holiday. Something good happens or it's a special day and we reward ourselves with food. We are taught that cooking for people and feeding people is a way that we show them love, how we take care of them, how we make people feel comforted. Comfort is the key word here, because the comfort of food is what emotional eaters are seeking. And for many people it doesn't get out of hand...for me it does. I am an emotional eater, or sometimes an emotional non-eater to a fault. Sometimes when I get upset or angry or sad all I wanna do is drown my sorrows in Doritos and peanut butter cups and half gallons of ice cream (disgusting I know :/). Then there is the flip side where I  may be so upset that I can't bring myself to eat at all. Neither of these options is healthy of course, but I can't keep from wondering why it is that it has been so hard for me to find a healthy balance in between. I have done a lot of research on this and a lot of what I read basically says that people who are emotional eaters have 2 main reasons.

Reason #1-Food is replacing some sort of void that we have in our lives emotionally or in our relationships. I don't know how true that is but on some level it makes a bit of sense. People who have absent parents or no friends or maybe a significant other or husband where the relationship is lacking. I have watched countless weight loss shows where people say that they turn to food when they are upset because food doesn't let you down, it doesn't abandon you, it's always there to comfort! Here is where we have screwed up....damn right food doesn't leave you....food like that stays with you awhile if you aren't careful..in the form of chubby bellies and dimply thighs, and double chins,a sad but true reality. Eating might make you feel better in that moment, but in the long run it's going to make you feel worse if you are someone who struggles with your weight, because for those of us who do one of our main sources of stress or sadness comes from our struggles with our weight issues. So really we are running circles around ourselves...we get upset because we are not happy with our bodies...because we are upset we go on an eating binge...which in turn causes us to gain a few pounds............AND the cycle starts over. It can seem so hopeless. We have got to start coming up with better ways to deal with our emotions, internally....where they grew from!

Reason #2-So many times when we get upset, it's easy to get going on everything that makes you unhappy. So we start going down the entire list of things that are bothering us, everything that isn't perfect in our lives...things can start to seem hopeless when you do this stuff, then you decide you are just going to give up....and we over eat! It's almost as though we sabotage ourselves, maybe because we are afraid of the unknown of what might change if we succeed or maybe it's to punish ourselves for screwing up in the first place. Either way, it's a bad situation.

I don't know for sure because I am not quite a month in to my current weight loss journey and who is too say I'm going to be successful....but I have to say that I feel better this time, I feel like I still wanna keep going, and in the past I have wanted to give up way sooner than this, and I just wanted to put it out there that I really think it's because I am in a good place in my life, in all my relationships, in the person I am, emotionally I am a stable and happy person....much of which I owe to the amazing people around me, and some of which I  owe to getting older and wiser and more mature, and I even think some of it is my own growth, my own strength, and my own determination to want to be a better person in general. This last year has taught me a lot of things....what true friendship is, and what it's not....where my morals stand....how my family effects my life.....and I have learned to surround myself with people that matter, and people who care, and people who are positive and don't purposely do things to hurt me and others, and I have learned more about forgiveness and how to keep those things from dragging me down.

I know I have so many people beside me, rooting for me, wanting me to succeed, and more importantly I believe in myself now, and I believe that I am worth the work! We have to know that it's ok to do these things for yourself! And if you need help with that, let me know, because I'll tell you that your worth it!

I'm GOING TO DO THIS!!!!

I am a healthier person inside and now it's helping me to be a healthier person on the outside...healthier and sexier too ;)

1/24/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Blueberry Greek yogurt-130 calories
1 Nature Valley peanut butter and dark chocolate protein bar-190 calories

Breakfast Total-220 calories

Lunch:

1 1/2 cups lettuce-12 calories

2 slices cheese-180 calories

1/4 cup tomatoes-7 calories

2 ounces turkey breast-60 calories

2 tbls fat free Italian Dressing-15 calories

5 large black olives sliced-25 calories

Lunch Total-299 calories

Dinner:

2 cups shredded lettuce-14 calories

1/4 cup colby jack shredded cheese-110 calories

4 ounces turkey-110 calories

2 tbls ranch dressing-150 calories
1/4 cup tomatoes-7 calories
10 large black olives sliced-50 calories

Dinner Total-441 calories

Dessert:

1 Vanilla skinny cow ice cream sandwich-140 calories

Dessert Total-140 calories

Today's Total-1100 calories

Good day today on my diet except 2 meals, both salads...a little boring lol but it met my needs! I got my exercise done, jogged for 20 minutes and walked 5 miles. Feeling pretty good and a little nervous because weigh in day is one week from today!! Hoping so much that it is good :) Goodnight everyone!

The ever powerful.......scale!

I wanna talk about scales today, the ever dreaded, or excitement for some people, of weigh in day! I woke up today and realized that in one week from today it will be January 31...which as part of my new diet plan is the day I will weigh in again.

 Now I have been thinking of this, and I find it kinda funny because when I started I knew that I needed to weigh myself less. I am the type of person that cannot weigh to regularly I have decided because as we all know and as science tells us our weight fluctuates. In fact your weight can fluctuate 3-5 pounds daily! I know that seems like a lot, and when you are trying to lose weight it is potentially devastating to see that happen. Weight fluctuates for a lot of reasons, too much salt, not enough water, too much carbonation, different fluctuations in our bodies...on and on and on. So for me, I decided that once a month would work best so I don't get discouraged with myself when I see a 5 pound gain in a day I have perfectly followed my plan..all because it's that time of the month! ;) Plus I like to see bigger numbers, it somehow makes me feel like what I am doing is paying off. But now, I have lived in bliss because I have not had the pressure of getting on a scale at the end of every week, it sort of took the pressure off of myself which was nice. But all good things must come to an end and so a week from today I will have to weigh. I'm not saying that I don't think the number is going to be good (It damn well better be with how hard I have working) but I just can't help the feeling of dread. What if for some reason it's not, what if I have failed and worked so hard for nothing? I know that some of you have got to feel this way too. Almost everyone I know who has struggled with weight has a love-hate relationship with their scale.

Today even though I still have a week I am already stressing and I realized that we have got to stop doing this to ourselves!!! I know it has been said before but it really truly is NOT all about what number pops up on the scale. We all set goal weights and have all these numbers running through our minds all the time. Our current weight, our goal weight, how many pounds we need to lose, how many pounds we still have left once we have lost some, how many pounds away from our smaller goals....GEEZ that's a lot of different numbers!!

That's part of why I just love the new Special K weight loss commercials, all these women are getting ready to get on a scale to weigh, and instead of numbers, words come up, inspiring words like sassy and beautiful. Scales don't have words to tell you your doing a great job, or what an amazing friend or mom you are!
Wouldn't it almost be a dream if there were no such thing as a scale, no such thing as a number that we weigh, or no such thing as a chart that tells us what we are supposed to weigh? That would be nice because lets face it...there are a ton of other things that can let us know what we are doing is working. Our perfect weight or body doesn't have to be a number. What if we all just said "I am going to keep working and losing until I look in the mirror and I like what I see?" or "I am going to keep working and losing until I can fit into the jeans I wore before I had kids?" or "I am going to keep working and losing until I feel fit enough to do all the physical activities I want to do?" Those are the things we should be thinking. I know the charts are important for doctors to make sure that kids are growing at the proper rate, but do we adults really need to be smashed into a numbers mold and told we have to be a certain number in order to be considered healthy?? Numbers aren't everything, and everyone is so different that it is impossible to come up with a system that customizes what each individual person should weigh...the chart is universal, we don't all fit into that mold. The BMI chart says I should weigh between 120 and 135 or something like that, I'm thinking that 120 is a bit low for me...now I could be wrong and I have set my goal weight at 140, if I get there and think I need to lose more, then I'll cross that bridge, but more than anything I just want to look in the mirror and like what I see! If we could quit focusing on numbers we can take the pressure off of ourselves a little bit.

It's absolutely amazing to me how much that little scale can affect my attitude and the way I look at myself. Whether or not I am proud of myself, whether or not I feel like I have done a good job, and worked hard. That is just not a good feeling. So lets all work on that together. Let's share our victories that aren't all about numbers, let's be proud of ourselves because we are putting forth effort to reach our goals, we are working to make improvements to ourselves, and our tarnished body images. Let's be proud and brag when we know we have done a good job and we have a pair of jeans that's getting to big, or when we look in the mirror and notice our thighs or our bellies are noticeably smaller!! Woo hoo!! And when the day comes that you get on the scale and your number is a good one we will celebrate that too! And on the same token if the day comes that you get on the scale and it's not what you wanted to see, let's go to each other for support because sometimes we all need someone to say....your still doing a good job, and it's still worth it, and your still going to get there, and I'm going to support you one way or another!

Because after all we are all definitely more than one little number! :)

You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance. 

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life. 

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” 
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

The light at the end of the tunnel?!?!?!?

I first off need to say that I am very sorry that I did not blog at all this weekend! I just had so much to do, and Friday I wasn't feeling very well so I took some Nyquil early on and it knocked me out for almost 10 hours! Now that I am back in a normal life routine I feel very guilty to not have been on at all updating or showing support to those of you who read my blogs. So sorry and I will try my very hardest to make sure that it does not happen again. I did however, follow my diet and exercise plan, Sunday I followed my diet plan but did not do all of my exercise...bad, bad, bad Justine..go ahead and tell me that if you want too!

So as I was thinking today about not blogging this weekend, and feeling guilty, I started to get a little overwhelmed with what I needed to do today. I had 4 kids that had to go to school, 2 kids and 3 different dance classes to get too, and it was Awana night also so I had to take the boys and get dinner done a little earlier than normal tonight so they could eat before they go. To top it all off Monday is my housecleaning day the day I move out appliances and furniture, and clean the couches out, and scrub bathrooms and floors, and dust and all that good stuff. So this crazy day is looming ahead of me and I started to think how on earth am I going to fit exercise in??? I started to rationalize to myself saying, I'm a mom and a wife first, there are things that have to be done and if I have to take one day to do all that stuff, and skip the exercise than that's my right! And you know what? It is my right, because nobody is telling me I have to lose weight, this isn't required, it's not a law, it's all about what I want for myself. So if I slip up, and skip my exercise I'm only hurting myself, and I am not going to feel good about it later!

I ended up doing my exercise today once I got smart and told myself....it's one rough day, I can do this, and if I do it when I go to bed tonight, I'm going to be not only exhausted but PROUD! I won't be feeling guilty and beating myself up over what I didn't do, I can tell myself even though it was tough to fit it all in...I DID IT!! And what's more important than that is that next time I step on the scale it's gonna reward me for doing that!

When we don't see day to day results it's easy to get discouraged, I know how easy it is to be impatient because if your like me when you want something you want it NOW! I want to be at my goal weight! I want to buy a pair of pants in a much smaller size! So when I go from one day to the next and I'm not seeing huge differences, I can get to where I feel like it's not working so I might as well quit. Pushing through stuff like that is what is going to make us successful in the end. Whether we acknowledge it or not when we are eating healthy and being active...our bodies are changing IT IS happening, little by little, day by day, week by week, month by month....it's happening!! If we can just be patient 6 months from now we will look in the mirror and say WOW...there really is a difference!

A friend of mine emailed me today and what she said really pushed me through my slumpy attitude this morning, and reminded me of what it is we are working for...all she told me was that she had washed and dried her jeans and when she put them on they were loose! How amazing is that, all of us, celebrating our victories together, and when your jeans are getting too big, that is a big victory when your goal is like ours :) There is a light at the end of the tunnel, if we can keep that in mind, it will keep us going, and all the little stuff in between is pushing us through. I can feel my body changing, in some small ways and some that are bigger, and that's what keeps us going. Now if only we had a time machine or a crystal ball so we could look ahead and see how amazing we look and know that everything we are doing now has paid off!!! We can and we will! I promise you that!

I like to go through old pictures now and then because it's easy to forget what I might look like when I'm a smaller person, of course my body has changed, I have had 4 kids and gotten older so it won't be exactly the same but it's something that keeps me motivated...right along with those jeans I wanna fit into so badly! Can't wait to get there!!! Here are a few of me when I was a much smaller version of myself!


Sometimes seeing what your working for is the best motivation!!! :) I'm definitely feeling more motivated after digging through some of my old pictures!

1/23/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon Blueberry Greek yogurt-130 calories

Breakfast Total-130 calories

Lunch:

1 1/2 cups lettuce-12 calories

2 slices cheese-180 calories

1/4 cup tomatoes-7 calories

2 ounces turkey breast-60 calories

2 tbls fat free Italian Dressing-15 calories

5 large black olives sliced-25 calories

Lunch Total-299 calories

Dinner:

1 cup brown rice-170 calories

4 ounces chicken breast-110 calories

1/2 cup cream of chicken soup-120 calories

1/2 cup frozen mixed vegetables-60 calories

Dinner Total-460 calories

Dessert:

1 vanilla peanut butter skinny cow ice cream sandwich-150 calories

Dessert Total-150 calories

Today's Total-969 calories

I know I haven't been on in a couple days and I apologize for that! My weekend was very crazy and I have been sick with a yucky head cold...felt terrible Friday night so I took some Nyquil and was knocked out for 10 hours straight!! I did however follow all my diet and exercise Friday and Saturday, Sunday I followed my diet, but did not do my full amount of exercise :( Guess I needed a little break, gotta try not to do that though, no rest for the wicked!!! Today I did my 20 minute jog and walked all 5 miles even though I was so busy today taking kids all over the place and Monday is my housecleaning day...so I didn't finish my walking until almost 8 because I didn't even start till after dinner! DO NOT like doing that! lol, but I got it done, plus a ton of other stuff, plus I shoveled snow for a good hour this morning and I'm thinking it burned a good amount of calories too! Calories are a little low but I just wasn't too hungry today I guess because I didn't feel hungry at any point, in fact I wasn't able to finish my dinner because I got full.

1/19/12

Breakfast:
1 Dannon peach greek yogurt-130 calories
1 egg-70 calories

Breakfast Total-200 calories

Lunch:

1 Pre-Packaged Southwestern salad-280 calories

1/2 cup Pistachios with shells-120 calories

Lunch Total-400 calories

Dinner:

4 oz boneless skinless chicken breast (Yes, I actually do weigh my meat out on a food scale)-110 calories

1/2 cup chicken Teryaki Rice-125 calories

1 tbls Teryake marinade-20 calories

1/2 up Stir Fry Vegetables-25 calories

Dinner Total-280 calories (Shoot!)

Dessert:

1 skinny cow cookies and cream ice cream bar-110 calories

Dessert Total-110 calories

Today's Total-990 calories

I had no idea my calories were gonna be this low today, chicken breast is so low calorie I should have had some more at dinner but I wasn't hungry still so I guess I didn't need it today. As exercise goes I jogged my 20 minutes and felt awesome afterwards!! :) and I walked my 5 miles! I feel good about the day and I feel like I'm getting smaller so I'm REALLY excited about that! Glad tomorrow is Friday, but I'll keep trucking on diet and exercise over the weekend. Haven't decided if I am going to jog every weekend. However I will be walking the 5 miles always :) Goodnight everyone!!

Weight vs. Character???

I had no idea what I was going to write about today, luckily...or maybe sadly, I watched the Today Show this morning like I usually do, now I have my topic!

I could NOT believe my ears. There is a hot topic segment, the hottest issues to debate and the first one was a politician. Now at first this didn't surprise me because of all the preparation for the election. (I want to make it ABUNDANTLY clear, that I DO NOT wish to get into any political debate, or even talk politics!) The debate was, is he a suitable candidate for presidency based on his weight?????? EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????

The conversation that followed was EXTREMELY offensive in so many ways, there was talk that if he doesn't have enough self discipline to keep his weight under control, then he wouldn't have the discipline to run the country. There was the argument that if he doesn't meet the qualifications to enlist in the army then he shouldn't be allowed to be commander in chief. Worst of all it was said that it reflects on his character as a person, and that him being overweight made him to average to hold such a position...(you know how skinny people are all above average superheroes!)

This is the problem with people today...since when should it even be considered a judgement of your character based on how much you weigh? When did that become an acceptable way to decide whether a person is worthy of getting to know, or worthy of getting a certain job? I know a lot of people, people of all shapes and sizes and I have never found that overweight people are any more average than the next person, any less amazing, any less focused on their job, any less determined to reach their goals (whatever they may be), or any less worthy of my time, energy, or friendship! Most of our parents taught us not to judge a book by it's cover, AND even more importantly in situations like this If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!!!!! Keep your mean, unkind, and unjustified words to yourself!

We live in a society that is way to based off of the way you look, how thin you are, how beautiful, how much money you have, what kind of clothes you wear and what car you drive, where you live...ect. ect. ect. It seems like nobody stops to think anymore that in the meantime, the judging and the cruel words could actually be hurting someone. Unless this guy's job is to be a bikini model...his weight has nothing to do with it! It just amazed me because even though it's something that overweight people deal with regularly, it's a different thing when you actually hear people admitting it, and on national T.V.! Very disappointing.

We wonder why kids are so self conscious, girls as young as 6 and 7 year old kids are dealing with a poor body image...what's worse is we as parents are forgetting to teach our kids the most important thing of all which is compassion for others. And to make a bad brew even worse, we are forgetting to pound into our kids minds starting at a young age how valuable they are, we forget to remind them of their worth, tell them they are smart and beautiful and capable and that they have bright future's. Teach them that no  matter what they look like, whatever shape or size they are just as important and completely equal to everyone around them. Suicide rates in kids are sky high, and you may thing that is just teenagers...sadly it's not. We are learning more and more about kids as young as 7 and 8 committing suicide, and 9 times out of 10 it's because of uncalled for cruelty. And it's no laughing matter. Now you put on the news which should for the most part be completely acceptable for kids to watch, and they have to see grown people saying such hurtful things. We are supposed to be examples to our children...what kind of example does that set? Can everyone please please please remember that we do lead by example, we complain about the cruel society we live in but we are creating it with our own actions and behaviors.

It's not a new development that people put down others to make themselves feel better, bigger, more important. Some people get a high off of hurting other people, but the cost can be high. You never know if one mean statement, one unkind word could be the last straw for someone who is hurting...and at the same token, you never know when one kind word, one kind smile, one friendly gesture could be what saves someone, lifts them up and pushes them to keep going.

If you had a choice, how would you rather affect people? I choose option number 2, when I can be a positive part of someones life, or even a positive part of someones day, I feel better about me, and I hope that's the way all of you look at it too. We all have enough working against us whether we are overweight or not, the last thing we need to do is to turn on each other. There is no pride in hurting others, no pride in being the person who ruins somebody elses day, no pride in bringing other people down, no pride in making someone feel less than what they are, and the world will be a better place when and if we all figure it out. Not that anybody is perfect, not that we all don't do or say things that  might hurt someone we love, the difference is, some people hurt others just to do it, and some do it accidentally. Knowing the difference is the important thing.






Me with my daughters (whom I always tell how amazing and beautiful they are <3)

Partners in Crime

Today was  a really gloomy, cloudy, cold, unpleasantly dark day. I have to admit that the minute I got out of bed this morning I felt....gloomy, and slow, and definitely unmotivated...I hate days like that because in the past it would be that kind of day that would throw everything about my diet and exercise off. I don't know about you guys, but I tend to not only make excuses but I stack them on top of each other, if that doesn't make sense let me lay it out for you:

1. I get up it's nasty out and immediately I'm ticked off because I want sunshine! So I can walk in the fresh air and see different things other than my living room! lol
2. I then allow this to get me all depressed and down, which generally sends me to the fridge to eat something I damn well know I shouldn't be eating!
3. Once I have done that I inevitably feel terrible about myself, and I spend at least the next hour beating myself up, telling myself what a failure I am :(
4. Then since I have screwed up my diet I of course decide there is no point in working out, so I lay around feeling bad about myself and eating all day.
5. Once I have screwed up one day, I decide I have messed up the entire week, month, year..you get it.

There it is people!! It's that easy to fall off the wagon! Sometimes when it seems like the odds are stacked against us....it's because technically they are! When trying to lose weight the odds are definitely stacked against us. It's easy to lose some weight and then put it back on over time, especially when your doing weird diets or insane workout schedules that are not maintainable over a long period of time. I know because I have been doing it for 7 years...on and off, on and off...lose some gain it back...sometimes gain back even more! It's a physical roller coaster and worse than that it's an emotional roller coaster! There have been some days that I look at myself and I am so disgusted I wanna take all the mirrors out of my house, or I look at old pictures and think where did that person go....how did I get lost in all this fat???? How could I have let myself get this way?? We all know that we are, in fact, our own biggest critics. Then there is another thing I do which I have decided is much worse. I look at myself and I think I look ok, I'm married so it's not like I'm trying to impress any men, I can still find cute clothes sometimes, and when I do my makeup and hair and don't hang out in pajamas all day cleaning house, I look fine, so why bother busting my butt, not eating the food I love, the people who love me love me the way I am. EXCUSES!!! Those nasty little things!  It's not  that the the people who love you, love you less because your overweight, it's because we love ourselves less when we don't feel and look the way we would like ourselves too and because we feel that way we sometimes assume others do to. The truth is I am generally pretty confident and I try and carry myself that way, but when you over think it, it's very easy to feel bad. We just have to keep our heads up, keep pushing forward. You WILL see results if you stay solid and true, it's a scientific fact, patience is all it takes and if we need inspiration we can do that too. I have a pair of REALLY cute jeans hanging up in my closet that I am about 2 sizes from fitting in...but every time I see them it makes me want it more. I cut out inspirational little messages out of magazines and tack them up on my bathroom wall, or tape them to the mirror. It might sound corny but every time I see them I'm renewed :)

The best way I have finally figured out to make it through days like these, to bypass all the little excuses, is to have partners in crime....or weight loss in this scenario ;)

I COULD NEVER do any of the things I do without mine. My family and friends have been so so so amazingly supportive.

I have my hubby who will come along with me whenever I need a walking partner, who works out with me every night, who gives me words of encouragement when I am excited about a weight loss, or disappointed in it. When I have screwed up or done an amazing job, when I'm up and when I'm down....he is there to say all the right things <3

I have my mom who gets mad with me when people are unkind, and who out of nowhere tells me how amazing I am doing and how proud she is of me. Sometimes it seems like she reads my mind and sends me something I really needed to see or hear <3

I have my sister who tells me I can do it and celebrates all my victories with me, keeping  me excited about what I'm doing <3

I have CarolAnn who walks with me (except when this nasty weather gets in our way) and keeps me motivated because when I know she is counting on me to walk with her...I do it...even when I don't feel like it <3

Just tonight my mother in law called me to share something with me about another weight loss success story, and it encouraged me, and I so needed it <3

To all of you who have seen me in person and told me that I look good. Thank you for those encouraging words, it's so nice when people notice, and it's uplifts my spirit <3

I have so so so many amazing friends and family (My brother in law Jeff even reads the blog and gives me uplifting tidbits when I see him <3) All of you reading this blog, following my journey is what is a big part of my success this time. I am out, in public...gave out all the gritty details and numbers and I am also a person who does not want to disappoint others. I don't want to let you guys down, I want to prove that ANYONE can do it if you try hard enough. I want people to know it's possible! I want to inspire and uplift people! I want to prove that I can do this...and I want all of you to keep me in line along the way.

The truth is that it takes a village, and you are all mine <3 <3 <3 <3 Thank you!

1/18/12

Breakfast:
1 slice whole wheat bread-60 calories
1 egg-70 calories
2 tbls. salsa-10calories
1 pinch shredded cheddar cheese-30 calories

Breakfast Total-170 calories

Lunch:

1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese-80 calories

1/2 cup pistachios (with shells)-120 calories

1 cup pre-packaged peaches-60 calories

Lunch Total-260 calories

Dinner:

4 oz Pork chops-240 calories

1 tbls pork shake and bake-40 calories

1 cup frozen corn-100 calories

2/3 cup mashed potatoes-150 calories

1/4 cup gravy-20 calories

Dinner Total-550 calories

Dessert:

1 Skinny Cow chocolate fudge bar-110 calories

Dessert Total-110

Total Today-1090 calories

As far as exercise goes today it did suck not being able to walk at all outside, but it is WAAAAY to cold and windy and snowy! Darn it! Anyways that is why I have a treadmill. I jogged my 20 minutes today, and walked 5 miles, and the workout with my hubby :) So I actually did great! Not sure why my meals were a little low cal today but I felt full and satisfied all day so it's ok I'm thinking. So I hope everyone else had a great day, and keep checking for the new blog because I am off to work on that next :) 

1/17/12

Breakfast-
2 scrambles eggs-140 calories
1 Dannon blueberry Greek yogurt-130 calories
2 tbls. Salsa-10 calories

Breakfast Total-280 calories

Lunch-

1 prepackaged Cobb Salad-290 calories

1 serving (27 crisps) Special K cracker chips-110 calories ( I really recommend these, soooo yummy!)

1 can V-8 juice-70 calories

Lunch Total-470 calories

Dinner-

3/4 cup Eating Right whole wheat noodles-200 calories

3 Foster Farms Turkey meat balls-160 calories

1/4 cup Ragu Alfredo sauce-90 calories

1 cup broccoli-40 calories

Dinner Total-490 calories

Dessert-

1 package Skinny Cow dreamy clusters candy-120 calories (Soooooo so good!!)

Dessert total-120 calories

Total calories for the day-1,360 calories :)

Did good today! :) Felt good....just a good day. As exercise goes. I jogged for 20 minutes this morning, and even raised my speed up on my treadmill 1 point! Pretty excited about that. I walked about 3 1/2 miles today with CarolAnn, we were absolutely FROZEN by the end of it! And my 45 minute strength training workout routine with my hubby. So I did good today. A little more walking wouldn't hurt, but it's ok.

On a bad note...the weather here is supposed to get really, really, REALLY nasty within the next 2 days. I mean 4 feet of snow and 60mph winds. Darn it! So it will make things different for our walks, exercise will be indoor for at least a few days...and probably more. I'll be excited to get that gym membership. And one last thing...I am getting an elliptical to go with my treadmill and I'm really really excited about it because I LOVED the one I tried at the gym on our vacation, tons of calories burned and way less impact on the body! :) 

Goodnight everyone!

Getting in your own way

I have tons of housecleaning and laundry that needs to be done today but I really want to get on here to discuss something that has been bothering me all last night and today.

Excuses! As I said in my blog last night, I didn't get all my exercise in because I had some unexpected personal things come up. I felt really guilty last night as I always do when I don't do what I know I should be doing. I was getting upset, mad that other things had the nerve to keep me from doing what I should be! I didn't sleep very well last night and by the times I even laid down to sleep it was around 11:30 and I got a text from my mom that said "One thing I want you to do for me, and more importantly yourself is tomorrow when you get up it is a new day and you need to be completely and 150% focused on you and your wonderful family.You have given enough of yourself, your time, and your energy to other things." It was so nice to hear that, and I realized that the only person getting in the way of my exercise or my feelings or anything else is me! Life WILL continue to happen all around us, it's not always perfect, it's rarely EVER easy, you have to work at everything you do including taking care of yourself, maintaining relationships, being the kind of person you can be proud of. It's work, and it's worth it, but there truly is no time for excuses. This morning I was still feeling a little off about everything and then I remembered my mom's text, and I thought, "No excuses!" Sometimes we don't feel like working out, or we may feel like eating an entire bag of cookies because something unpleasant has happened, and it is absolutely 100% normal and even ok to screw up now and then, but I know from experience I ALWAYS feel better once I do it. I didn't want to get on the treadmill and jog, but I pushed myself to do it, and once I started I felt a little empowered, and I was so proud that I didn't want to and I did it anyways, that I pushed myself and ended up cranking the speed up one point (Hey it's not a lot but every little bit is more). And I even jogged for 20 minutes rather than 15, and when I was done I felt AMAZING! My mood was lifted, I was so proud, so ready to take on the rest of my day.

 It's the same thing when we get busy and feel like we can't squeeze and hour in our day to work out, or take a walk, or a jog, or go to the gym. Life is always busy, there is always something to be done, but we have to remember that taking a time out for ourselves to squeeze our workout in is just as important, just as much a priority, and remember the way it makes you feel because the endorphin's you get from a good workout are the kind that keeps you going :) Or it does me anyways. And you will be a happier, healthier person for it, a better person for those around you. It's not selfish, it's necessity!

Another reason I have found as a definite downhill slide for myself is feeling like you have failed. I tried on a pair of jeans last night that I REALLY wanted to fit in, I knew it was a long shot from the start, but I figured what the heck, I have been busting my butt every day....just maybe. They didn't fit, in fact I think I have a ways to go before that happens and it was discouraging. We tend to forget that we didn't gain 10 or 30 or 100 pounds in 3 weeks, it happened over time. Letting ourselves go, letting convenience and life get in the way, months and years of not treating our bodies the way they were meant to be treated. I myself can be very impatient...." Excuse me! But I have been busting butt for 2 1/2 weeks, working out, following a diet perfectly, pushing my body to limits it hasn't seen in years.....now why in the heck have I not gone down 3 pant sizes in less than a month!!" lol. It's not realistic! True, healthy, maintainable weight loss takes time. I know it's hard to be patient and it's easy to want to give up and throw the towel in when we don't see the results we want right away, but if you stay strong and keep moving forward...IT WILL HAPPEN!!!! Setting reasonable goals, and celebrating small victories just as much as the big ones will keep you going while your on the way to a healthier, sexier you!

So....stop getting in your own way!! Don't make excuses, just do it. Don't beat yourself up over small mistakes, just keep working towards your goal. Everytime I get discouraged my husband always tells me "If it were easy, everyone would be skinny!" and he is right. Yet another reminder that we are not in this alone. We are in it together!!! Nobody can stop you from achieving success but you! So today when I finished my jog I sat out in the wind and I thought to myself " I am gaining endurance, my body is getting stronger!" and I realized this journey is not only making my body stronger but it's making me as a person stronger...inside and out!

1/16/12

Ok so a quick run down of the day!

Breakfast: 1 Chobani pineapple greek yogurt-160 calories
                1 tropical fruit cup-120 calories
                                               Breakfast total-280 calories

Lunch: 1 prepackaged chef salad-270 calories
           1 can V-8 juice-70 calories
                                                Lunch total-340 calories

Dinner: 1 medium banana-120 calories
            2 cups Progresso Pot Roast soup-240 calories
                                                Dinner total-360 calories


Dessert: 1 skinny cow cookies and cream ice cream bar-110 calories (Thank goodness for skinny cow because I HATE not having ice cream in my life!!) lol


Total calories for the day: 1090


So the diet was good today except for the fact that I should have eaten a bit more, in order to keep metabolism running properly it's important to give it the energy it needs. I have done quite a lot of research and 1,500 calories a day is healthy amount of calories for your body to run off of, and still a good range for weight loss. I'll work on that, but I would rather be below than over my limit! :) As far as exercise went today I walked about 3 miles in the freezing cold and didn't do much else than that, not good, unfortunately some things came up in my personal life today that definitely put me a little off track....I am making a HUGE mental note that this CANNOT happen! But I am glad that I did get some exercise in. So all in all not a perfect day on the diet front and frankly not a good day on any front, but we got through it and tomorrow is another day :)

Also a quick side note...I haven't had ANY soda, diet included, or any drinks aside from water and tea for 2 full weeks now! Yay! :)

Why lose weight??

Today I wanna talk about all the reasons why we wanna lose weight, the obvious ones, and the not so obvious ones, the ones everyone is afraid to say because it's embarrassing or because we don't want to seem shallow. The truth es that there are countless reasons why people decide to lose weight and get into shape, and it should be ok to talk about all of them. So often we get caught up in the embarrassment or the shame of our thoughts and ideas and then we are left wondering if we are the only ones feeling that way, are we alone? Are we crazy? Is it appropriate?

First off, so many people are afraid to just say...I wanna look hot again. We get older, we have jobs, and husbands, and kids, and busy lives and somehow that makes it unacceptable to say "I wanna look at myself and feel good about what I see, I wanna feel like my husband is envied for having me on his arm when we go out, I wanna wear a slinky little shirt and skinny jeans the next time we go out, or a little black dress...and feel comfortable and sexy!" Maybe we wanna lose weight because when our men tell us we are beautiful and sexy, we want to believe them, we want to know it's true! Maybe we might want to be able to shop in the regular women's department rather than the plus size (let's face it, it can be REALLY hard to find stylish clothes for a plus size woman). Maybe we want to be able to get into a bath tub without it overflowing, and just to have our entire bodies under the water! I don't take baths for that very reason! Grrr. I'm not saying I want to look amazing in a bikini because that may never happen even once I lose the weight (Hello 4 pregnancies and TONS of stretchmarks!) but it would be awesome to go to the pool with the kids, or swimming at the lake and not feel like a beached whale! I mean my bathing suit has a little skirt on it...cute for little girls, not so much on a 25 year old! I can't find a pair of jeans that is tight enough to make my butt look the way I want it to without having a roll hanging over the top, if I wanna lose the roll, I have to get jeans that are loose, but then the look of the butt suffers....so frustrating! Don't even get me started on how uncomfortable it can get to eat at a restaurant or in front of large groups of people, since I'm the fat chick I feel like everyone is watching me eat, hoping I won't take another bite and gain 5 more pounds, and a buffet? No thank you! I  can't describe the intense feeling of shame if you dare go back for a second plate! Some people are just extremely uncomfortable around people who are overweight, but you know what some of us overweight people are uncomfortable around those who aren't. We fear the judging, we fear the whispers, we definitely fear those comments that are not so quiet because some people are just plain mean. I have more then once been the victim of someone mooing at me while at the store, or people blatantly telling me how fat and disgusting I am. If any of you reading this have done such things, please let me just say....it's not nice, you could seriously be hurting someone deeply, oh and news flash!!! We don't need to be told!!! We already know we are overweight, and believe it or not we are MUCH MUCH harder on ourselves than you ever could be, and on top of that...butt out! My lovehandles and cellulite doesn't affect you in any way so leave me alone about it!  I stood in line at the carnival this year with my kids like most parents do, the difference is my anxiety level hit all time highs the closer I got because I was fearful I wouldn't fit into the belts and metal handles, you can't say no because these are the things we wanna do with our families and we have to give it a shot but all I could imagine was having to turn around and take the walk of shame in front of everyone, including my disappointed kids if the guy had told me I was to round to fit! Luckily that did not happen to me this year, although some were snug fits I was able to get on all the rides. I myself happen to drive a big SUV and I'm a little ashamed to admit that part of that is because I feel HUGE sitting in a little car, like I don't belong there. Let's face it there are those of us that would REALLY love for our chests to be the part of our body that sticks out...not our chubby tummies! Just this weekend I was staying at a vacation house away from my hometown and so I got the chance to use a gym, which was really exciting because I wanted to be able to keep up on my workouts and plus I am thinking about getting a gym membership here in town to get a little more variety in my workouts. I had my husband with me who is an amazing supporter, but my insecurities flared up when there were other people in the gym. All that I could picture in my head was me sweating and huffing and puffing, thighs, belly, and arms jiggling......and all those people watching it! The snide remarks and people staring could have almost sent me into panic mode! I did however go in and workout and all those people were very nice, but it doesn't change the fact that I would much rather go in at a normal weight with a toned body and not even have to worry about it! There are a million little things that I encounter daily that wouldn't be an issue if I didn't have a weight issue. It's the little day to day things that I think really get to us and can be a huge source of insecurity, they can lower our self esteem, rid us of our confidence, and make us feel bad in general. I'm just here to say IT'S OK TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!! Similar circumstances, and struggles bring people together, and if there is more than one of us feeling this way...why do it alone?????

All those things being said I do wanna talk about other reasons that we wanna lose weight, but are less afraid to talk about. Being a healthier person. I have been reading a TON of material on weight loss and have learned some disturbing thoughts. It just so happens that even though you might feel alone, if someone telling you your not isn't enough here are some cold hard statistics!

36% of America is overweight!!!!!! Doctors are estimating that by the year 2050 1 in 3 people will be diagnosed with diabetes! ( not everyone with diabetes is overweight, but being overweight is a major contributor to the disease) And heart disease is the leading  cause of death among women, another thing that weight is a major factor in. To top it all off there is now a new category of overweight people. If your familiar with a BMI chart then you know that based on height and build we all have a number, and those numbers fall into different categories. There is the overweight, then obese, then morbidly obese, and now what they call super morbidly obese...which means you weigh 560 pounds or more, and guess what? There are 2 million Americans in that category! People all over are affected, people everywhere are struggling with weight, no not EVERYONE but  more than you think! Carrying extra weight can affect almost all parts of your body, inside and out and this includes mobility and many of these things can be deadly, so of course we all want to live longer and healthier lives and that's a valid reason to want to lose weight!

I need to be around 50 or 60 or 70 years from now because I don't know what my husband would do without me...like most men he can be a little lost when I'm not around, and I want to be able to spend a long and happy lifetime with him enjoying our lives and our kids together till we are old and grey.

I want to end this by saying that all this other stuff aside really and truly my number one reason for wanting to lose weight is my family. My 4 beautiful children. Yes this includes living longer, because I don't just want to be around when they get older, to see them play sports and go to prom and graduate high school and college and get married and have kids, I need to be around when they get older to see these things. There is nothing more important to me than being there for them for as long as I humanly can be. I also want to be a better mom now, I need to be able to chase them around the park for hours climbing ladders, swinging, and playing on the slides, and I need to be able to do these things without feeling miserable and minutes from death because I can barely breathe and my heart is beating so fast! And both of those things aside, I need to set an example for them. I need to set an example on healthy eating and active lifestyles, getting up and moving around and making healthy food choices, I have to make sure that they know these things so they don't have to struggle the way I do, and suffer the cruelty of the world when it comes to being overweight, and all the while I need to teach them how to keep their self esteem intact in today's world.

That being said here some pictures of my biggest motivating aspects in my life...they are definitely worth it!